JAKE:IT'S TIME.
JAKE:WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
LISA:MOOOOO.
JAKE:THANKS.
LISA:WRONG DAY TO FORGET STUFF.
JAKE:SHE GO BACK TO SLEEP?
LISA:MMM-HMM.ATE LIKE A PIG.
LISA:WANT SOME EGGS FOR THE ROAD?
JAKE:I GOTTA ROLL.GOTTA BEAT THE TRAFFIC.
LISA:HELLO? JAKE.IT'S ALONZO.
JAKE:HELLO?
ALONZO:HOYT?
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:MEET THE LIEUTENANT YESTERDAY? GET THE WELCOME ABOARD SPEECH AND ALL THAT?
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:HE'S A GOOD GUY.BACKS HIS BOYS.YOU ALL CHECKED IN? YOUR SHEET SIGNED OFF?
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:YOU'RE NOT ON THE SQUAD UNTIL I SIGN IT.AND THAT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DO TODAY.
JAKE:YESSIR.I KNOW.
ALONZO:ON YOUR WAY TO ROLL CALL?
JAKE:YESSIR.I'M NOT OUT THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.
ALONZO:HOYT.
JAKE:YESSIR?
ALONZO:PATROL FAIRIES GO TO ROLL CALL.WE DON'T GO TO ROLL CALL.
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:THERE'S A COFFEE SHOP AT VIRGIL AND RAYMOND.SEE YOU THERE AT TEN.BE IN CIVVIES.COMFORTABLE SHOES.GOT A BACK-UP GUN? SOMETHING POCKET-SIZED?
JAKE:YESSIR.I HAVE A THREE EIGHTY STAINLESS WITH NINE ROUNDS OF SILVER TIPS.
ALONZO:BRING IT.CUFFS, TOO.WE'RE GONNA BE IN THE OFFICE ALL DAY, BUT WHO KNOWS, MAYBE WE'LL DO SOME BUSINESS.TOLD YOU, WE'RE AN AGGRESSIVE UNIT.
JAKE:I KNOW, SIR.THAT'S WHY I SIGNED UP.I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPOR
LISA:WHAT'S WRONG?
JAKE:FEEL LIKE IT'S FOOTBALL TRYOUTS.WISH IT WAS TOMORROW SO I'D ALREADY KNOW IF I WAS ON HIS SQUAD OR NOT.
LISA:IT'S NOT TOMORROW.IT'S TODAY.AND IT'S GONNA WORK OUT.I KNOW IT WILL.
JAKE:I GOTTA RELAX.DON'T HAVE TO SHOW UP UNTIL TEN.
JAKE:SOON THEY'LL BE MINE AGAIN.
JAKE:GOOD MORNING, SIR.
JAKE:I'M OKAY, MA'AM.THANK YOU.
ALONZO:HAVE SOME CHOW BEFORE WE HIT THE OFFICE.GO AHEAD.IT'S MY DOLLAR.
JAKE:NO, THANK YOU, SIR.I ATE.
ALONZO:FINE.DON'T.
JAKE:IT'S NICE HERE.
ALONZO:MAY I READ MY PAPER?
JAKE:I'M SORRY, SIR.I'LL GET SOME FOOD.
ALONZO:NO.YOU WON'T.YOU FUCKED THAT UP.PLEASE.I'M READING.SHUT UP.
JAKE:WHERE'S THE OFFICE, SIR? BACK AT DIVISION?
JAKE:GONNA BE NICE NOT ROASTING ALL SUMMER IN A HOT BLACK AND WHITE.
ALONZO:TELL ME A STORY, HOYT.
JAKE:MY STORY?
ALONZO:NOT YOUR STORY.A STORY.YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT LONG ENOUGH TO LET ME FINISH MY PAPER.SO TELL ME A STORY.
JAKE:I DON'T THINK I KNOW ANY STORIES.
ALONZO:THIS IS A NEWSPAPER.AND I KNOW IT'S NINETY PERCENT BULLSHIT BUT IT'S ENTERTAINING.THAT'S WHY I READ IT.BECAUSE IT ENTERTAINS ME.IF YOU WON'T LET ME READ MY PAPER, THEN ENTERTAIN ME WITH YOUR BULLSHIT.TELL ME A STORY.
JAKE:A REAL ONE OR SHOULD I MAKE ONE UP?
ALONZO:WHERE'D YOU DO YOUR PROBATION?
JAKE:VAN NUYS.
ALONZO:RIGHT.THE VALLEY.NO CUTE LITTLE ANECDOTES ABOUT YOUR TIME ON THE MEAN STREETS OF VAN NUYS? WRITING UNDERAGE SMOKING CITES AT THE SHOPPING MALL?
JAKE:THERE WAS THIS D.U.I.STOP.
ALONZO:A D.U.I.STOP.WOW.GO ON.
JAKE:WE WERE ON THE MID-WATCH.
ALONZO:WE? YOU AND.?
JAKE:DEBBIE.
ALONZO:"DEBBIE"? THE FUCK'S DEBBIE?
JAKE:MY TRAINING OFFICER.DEBBIE MAXWELL
ALONZO:YOU'RE T.O.WAS FEMALE?
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:SHE WHITE? BLACK?
JAKE:WHITE.
ALONZO:SHE DYKED OUT OR SHE ANY GOOD?
JAKE:SHE'S PRETTY GOOD.
ALONZO:SO YOU AND DEBBIE ARE PULLIN' A MID-WATCH?
JAKE:RIGHT.IT'S A REAL QUIET NIGHT.A YAWNER.WE'RE ROLLING ON VANOWEN.I'M DRIVING.AND THIS ACURA, JUST A BEAUTIFUL CAR, COMES OUT A SIDE STREET.IN EXCESS.ALL OVER THE MEDIAN.SO I LIGHT IT UP AND HIT THE WAILER.GUY DRIVES ON LIKE I'M INVISIBLE FOR TEN BLOCKS BEFORE HE PULLS OVER.PLATES RAN CLEAN.I APPROACH.DEBBIE COVERS.DRIVER'S THIS HUGE WHITE GUY.CAN BARELY KEEP HIS EYES OPEN.I FIELD TEST AND ARREST AND I'M BELTING HIM IN OUR UNIT.DEBBIE'S TOSSING HIS CAR.SHE CALLS ME TO THE VEHICLE AND SHOWS ME A SNUBBED THIRTY EIGHT AND TWO SHOTGUNS, ALL LOADED AND LOCKED.
ALONZO:NO SHIT?
JAKE:NO SHIT.SHE CALLS OUR SUPERVISOR AND I KEEP SEARCHING.I FIND FIVE HUNDRED GRAMS OF METH IN THE DASH.TURNS OUT OUR D.U.I.WAS ON BAIL FOR DISTRIBUTION.HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO SMOKE HIS EX-PARTNER BEFORE TRIAL.WE PREVENTED A MURDER.
ALONZO:.AMAZING.
ALONZO:YOU'RE DRIVING AROUND THE VALLEY WITH A FINE BITCH IN YOUR CAR FOR A YEAR AND THE MOST ENTERTAINING STORY YOU GOT IS A D.U.I.STOP? NEVER HIT HER UP FOR SOME CODE X IN THE BACK SEAT?
JAKE:I HAVE A WIFE.
ALONZO:YOU ALSO HAVE A DICK.
ALONZO:LET'S GO.
ALONZO:YOU LOOK, WALK AND TALK LIKE A COP.GROW YOUR HAIR OUT.
ALONZO:GIMME THAT MENU.
ALONZO:GET IN.S'UNLOCKED.
JAKE:THIS IS A PIECE'A SHIT.
ALONZO:DON'T WORRY.MY BABY PUTS OUT WHEN SHE HAS TO.
JAKE:WHERE'S THE OFFICE?
ALONZO:YOU'RE IN IT.
ALONZO:ROVER'S IN THE GLOVE BOX.WANNA TEN-EIGHT US?
JAKE:YESSIR.
ALONZO:SHITCAN THE SIRS.I'M NOT YOUR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS INSTRUCTOR.
JAKE:WHAT'S OUR I.D.?
ALONZO:NORA FIFTEEN.
JAKE:NORA FIFTEEN, TEN-EIGHT.
DISPATCH:NORA FIFTEEN, TEN-TWENTY.
ALONZO:NORA FIFTEEN, SOUTH ON RAMPART AT SIXTH.
DISPATCH:TEN FOUR.
ALONZO:BAD GUYS ARE LISTENING.DON'T TRUST THE RADIOS.NEVER LET ANYONE KNOW WHERE YOU'RE REALLY AT.EVER.
JAKE:THIS LOOKS LIKE THE THIRD WORLD.
ALONZO:IT'S "MY" WORLD.
ALONZO:TODAY'S A TRAINING DAY.GONNA SHOW YOU AROUND, GIVE YOU A FEEL FOR THE BUSINESS.I HAVE THIRTY- EIGHT CASES PENDING TRIAL.I HAVE SIXTY-THREE ACTIVE INVESTIGATIONS.THERE'S ANOTHER THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY CASES ON THE LOG I CAN'T CLEAR.I'M SUPERVISING FIVE OFFICERS.THAT'S FIVE DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES, FIVE DIFFERENT SETS OF PROBLEMS.YOU, OFFICER HOYT, IF YOU GOT THE GUTS TO SUCCEED, WILL BE NUMBER SIX.I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BABY-SIT OR HOLD HANDS.YOU HAVE ONE DAY TO SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU CAN OR CANNOT HANDLE.YOU CAN'T HACK NARCOTICS, FEEL FREE TO WORK A PUSSY DESK PINCHING CHECK KITERS.HEAR ME, OFFICER HOYT?
JAKE:I HEAR YOU.
ALONZO:GOOD.GONNA SHOW YOU REALITY.THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT?
JAKE:YEAH.
ALONZO:WHY YOU WANNA BE A NARC?
JAKE:I WANT TO SERVE MY COMMUNITY BY RIDDING IT OF DANGEROUS DRUGS.
JAKE:I WANNA MAKE DETECTIVE.
ALONZO:STICK WITH ME AND YOU WILL."IF" YOU CAN UNLEARN THE BULLSHIT THEY'VE FILLED YOUR HEAD WITH.YOU GONNA BE PASSING OUT BASEBALL CARDS AND CARRYING OLD LADIES' GROCERIES LIKE THE REST OF THE NEWFUCKS WASHINGTON'S FLOODED THE STREETS WITH?
JAKE:SERGEANT, I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO DO.
ALONZO:STAND BY, BECAUSE NARCOTICS AIN'T ABOUT STAYING IN THE CAR AND LOOKING GOOD.I BET YOU WRITE GREAT PAPER, HOYT.YOU DO.I CHECKED IT OUT.COVER YOUR AREA, COVER YOUR ASS, BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER, RIGHT?
JAKE:RIGHT.ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME THAT OLD SCHOOL HARD-CHARGING BEAT UP EVERYTHING THAT MOVES RODNEY KING SHIT?
ALONZO:THAT'S NOT POLICE WORK EITHER.WE'RE THE NEW BREED.WE USE THIS.THIS IS OUR TOOL.
ALONZO:HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?
JAKE:A YEAR.
ALONZO:GOTTA KID, RIGHT?
JAKE:A NINE-MONTH-OLD GIRL.
ALONZO:I GOT FOUR KIDS.ALL BOYS.YOU WANT A SON, LEMME KNOW.I'LL DO YOUR OLD LADY UP.I CAN'T MISS.
JAKE:LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY.
ALONZO:IT'S COOL.I CAN RESPECT THAT.I'M MARRIED.I HAVE MY QUEEN, TOO.I REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A PRETTY YOUNG BRIDE.BET YOU STILL FUCK HER FACE-TO-FACE.
JAKE:CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT MY WIFE?
ALONZO:KICK BACK, KID.YOU'RE SO IN LOVE IT'S COMIN' OUT YOUR EYES.THE DAY YOU BRING THE OLD LADY TO THE OFFICE IS THE DAY YOU DON'T GO HOME.IF YOU DON'T HIDE YOUR LOVE DEEP INSIDE, THE MAGGOTS ARE GONNA FIND IT AND CHEW ON IT.
ALONZO:THAT'S OUR CHAPLAIN, LIEUTENANT HAYES.GIVE HIM A CALL.INVITE HIM AND HIS WIFE OVER FOR DINNER.HE'S A GOOD GUY AND NO DUMBSHIT.YOU AND YOUR WOMAN NEED ANY KIND'A HELP, CALL HIM.I'M SERIOUS.
JAKE:THANKS.I WILL.
JAKE:WHO'S MR.CLEAN?
ALONZO:WHERE THE HELL YOU HEAR THAT?
JAKE:FROM A VAN NUYS ROBBERY DETECTIVE.TOLD ME TO ASK YOU THAT.
ALONZO:ASSHOLE.
JAKE:WHAT'S HERE?
ALONZO:TRANSACTIONS.SEE THE SALVATRUCHA ONE-CUT ON THE FENCE, TRYING NOT TO LOOK LIKE HE'S SLANGIN'?
ALONZO:THAT'S NETO.WORKS FOR ME.
JAKE:INFORMANT?
ALONZO:I GOT EYES EVERYWHERE.HE GETS TO PEDDLE REEFER, MAKE A LITTLE CASH FOR THE FAMILY.I GET A HEADS UP WHEN SHIT GOES DOWN.THE BARRIO ON-LINE.
JAKE:AND YOU TRUST HIM?
ALONZO:FUCKIN' RIGHT I TRUST HIM.SPRUNG HIS MOM FROM I.N.S.DETENTION.
ALONZO:HERE WE GO.
ALONZO:SHIT'S GOING DOWN.
ALONZO:SEE THE HAND-TO-HAND?
JAKE:I SAW IT.
ALONZO:WHEN WAS YOUR LAST FELONY STOP?
JAKE:COUPLE WEEKS AGO.
ALONZO:YOU NEED PRACTICE.
JAKE:THEY LOOK LIKE COLLEGE KIDS.
ALONZO:THEY NEED A LESSON.I WANT THESE HEMORRHOIDS GRABBING GLASS.I GOT FRONT.YOU GOT BACK.
ALONZO:STAY OFF THE ROVER.
ALONZO:POLICE! LEMME SEE YOUR HANDS!
JAKE:POLICE OFFICERS! YOUR HANDS!
JAKE:DON'T LOOK AT US! LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD!
ALONZO:DRIVER AND RIGHT FRONT PASSENGER! PALMS ON THE WINDSHIELD!
JAKE:YOU IN THE BACK! PALMS ON THE SIDE WINDOW! LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD!
ALONZO:DRIVER! USE YOUR LEFT HAND, PUT THE VEHICLE IN PARK.
DRIVER:.IT'S A STICKSHIFT.
ALONZO:SHUT UP, DICKHEAD! I'LL SHOOT YOUR FACE OFF! TAKE THE KEYS OUT OF THE IGNITION.THROW 'EM OUT THE WINDOW!
ALONZO:FORK IT OVER, SMARTMAN.
DRIVER:WHAT, SIR?
ALONZO:THE FUCKIN' MARIJUANA I JUST WATCHED YOU PURCHASE!
PASSENGER:I'M VERY SORRY, SIR.I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS BRINGING ME HERE.
ALONZO:SHUT UP, DUMBASS.YOU'RE HERE NOW! GIMME THAT PIPE!
PASSENGER:MY MOM GAVE ME THAT PIPE.
ALONZO:WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
DRIVER:CIGARETTES.?
ALONZO:GIMME THOSE TOO.
ALONZO:CONTROL YOUR SUSPECT, HOYT!
JAKE:MISS! PALMS ON THE GLASS!
ALONZO:CRY AND I SLAP THE EYES OUTTA YOUR FACE!
ALONZO:YOU AWARE THIS IS A GANG NEIGHBORHOOD?
ALONZO:I SEE YOU HERE AGAIN, I TAKE YOUR CAR.YOU CAN WALK HOME WHILE YOUR GIRLFRIEND PULLS A HOMEBOY TRAIN.HEAR ME, REEFER ADDICT?
DRIVER:YES, "SIR".
ALONZO:THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION - SAFE YOUR IRON.
JAKE:WAS THAT TRAINING? HOW TO ROUST STUDENTS FOR DIME BAGS?
ALONZO:THEY HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING HERE.SOONER OR LATER THAT LITTLE SMART- ASS WHITE BOY COLLEGE PUKE IS GONNA GET JACKED.I SAVED HIS LIFE.
JAKE:TAUGHT HIM A REAL LESSON.
ALONZO:SURE DID, BUY YOUR SHIT ON CAMPUS.I LIKE YOUR MOVES.SOMEONE TRAINED YOU WELL.
ALONZO:SHITTY DIME.CHECK IT OUT.
ALONZO:SEE THE SMALL HAIRS? THE UNDEVELOPED SEEDS.HOW IT'S ALL STEMS?
ALONZO:IT WAS PICKED IMMATURE.SEE HOW FLAT IT IS? CLASSIC BRICK-PACK MEXICAN.SEE HOW BRITTLE IT IS? IT'S NOT BUD SEASON.IT'S FROM LAST YEAR.
ALONZO:TO BE TRULY EFFECTIVE, A NARCOTICS DETECTIVE MUST KNOW AND LOVE NARCOTICS.A GOOD NARCOTICS DETECTIVE SHOULD HAVE NARCOTICS IN HIS BLOOD.
JAKE:YOU GOING TO SMOKE THAT?
ALONZO:YOU ARE.
JAKE:HELL IF I AM.
ALONZO:WHAT? YOU A MORMON? A JESUS FREAK?
JAKE:NO.I'M NOT LOSING MY JOB.
ALONZO:"THIS" IS YOUR JOB.
JAKE:I CAN'T DO IT.
ALONZO:THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF TEST.TAKE A FUCKIN' HIT.
JAKE:I BECAME A COP TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM USING THAT POISON.
ALONZO:THIS AIN'T A REVIEW BOARD.WE AIN'T DOING RAILS.JUST LEAFY GREEN BUD.
ALONZO:IF I WAS A DEALER, YOU'D BE DEAD.TURN SHIT DOWN ON THE STREET AND THE CHIEF HANDS YOUR WIFE A CRISPLY FOLDED FLAG.
ALONZO:I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY UNIT.NOT EVEN MY DIVISION.GO BACK TO VALLEY.GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.
JAKE:.OKAY.
ALONZO:ALRIGHT.THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE, SON.
ALONZO:BETRAYED BY YOUR VIRGIN LUNGS.
ALONZO:IT'S CASHED.
ALONZO:SHIT, YOU TOOK SOME MANSIZED HITS.YOU GONNA BE OKAY? WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SMOKED OUT?
JAKE:.TWELFTH GRADE.
ALONZO:LEFT THAT OUT OF YOUR SERVICE JACKET.KNEW YOU HAD SECRETS, EVERYONE DOES.DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIG DUSTERS.
JAKE:WHAT ARE DUSTERS?
ALONZO:YOU KNOW, DUSTED BUD.DIPPERS? C'MON, DIPPED IN P.C.P.PRIMOS.SHERM, KOOL, P-DOG, ANGEL DUST.DIDN'T YOU SMELL IT? TASTE IT?
JAKE:.I'VE NEVER DONE IT.
ALONZO:NOW YOU HAVE.REMEMBER THE SMELL FOR NEXT TIME.THINK I'D INHALE THAT SHIT?
JAKE:OH, NO.NO.NO.NO.
ALONZO:GONNA KICK THE SHIT OUT OF NETO.MOTHERFUCKER'S LACING CRAPPY BUD TO GET THAT UNSUSPECTING RETURN CLIENT.HELL WITH HIS MOM, I'M DEPORTING THE BITCH.
JAKE:I'M GONNA GET PISS TESTED.I'M GONNA GET FIRED.
ALONZO:I TOLD YOU, LIEUTENANT'S GOT OUR BACKS.WE KNOW A WEEK BEFORE WE PISS.
JAKE:SHIT.HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? SHIT.SHIT.SHIT!
ALONZO:FUCKIN' CHILL AND RIDE THE HIGH.YOU'RE AN ADULT.YOU CHOSE TO SMOKE.LIVE WITH YOUR DECISIONS.YOU COOL?
JAKE:I'M COOL.
ALONZO:BESIDES, NO ONE PUT A GUN TO YOUR HEAD.
ALONZO:GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
ALONZO:THIS IS MY ROAD DOG'S PAD.WANNA SEE WHAT HE THINKS OF YOU.
JAKE:WHAT DO I SAY?
ALONZO:YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING STUPID.
ROGER:HEY, BROTHER, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE.
ALONZO:DID I WAKE YOU?
ROGER:NO.C'MON IN.PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
ALONZO:ALRIGHT.TIME TO GET MY SWERVE ON.
ROGER:HEARD YOU HAD A BEEF IN VEGAS.
ALONZO:I'M COOL.PEOPLE TALK SHIT.
ROGER:YOU KNOW I GOT YOUR BACK.
ALONZO:I KNOW.THANKS.
ALONZO:C'MON.BE POLITE.
ROGER:WENT AND GOT YOURSELF A DAISY- FRESH SCUZZ-HEADED ROOKIE.
ROGER:WASSUP? RIGHTEOUS.LATER, DUDE.
ROGER:JESUS, ALONZO.HE'S HIGH AS A MOTHERFUCKER.THE HELL YOU GIVE HIM?
ROGER:WHERE'D YOU GROW UP?
JAKE:NORTH HOLLYWOOD.
ROGER:WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?
JAKE:HOYT.
ROGER:YOU PLAY STRONG SAFETY FOR NORTH HOLLYWOOD HIGH?
JAKE:YESSIR.HOW'D YOU KNOW?
ROGER:I FOLLOW ALL THE GOOD PLAYERS.
ROGER:IT'S ME.WHASSUP? CAN'T DO A THING FOR YOU.YOUR MESS.YOU CLEAN IT UP.DON'T BE CALLIN' ME.
ROGER:HERE'S A JOKE, BOY.ONE DAY THIS MAN WALKS OUT OF HIS HOUSE TO GO TO WORK.HE SEES THIS SNAIL ON HIS PORCH.SO HE PICKS IT UP AND CHUCKS IT OVER HIS ROOF, INTO THE BACK YARD.SNAIL BOUNCES OFF A ROCK, CRACKS ITS SHELL ALL TO SHIT, AND LANDS IN THE GRASS.SNAIL LIES THERE DYING.
ROGER:BUT IT DOESN'T DIE.IT EATS SOME GRASS.SLOWLY HEALS.GROWS A NEW SHELL.AND AFTER A WHILE IT CAN CRAWL AGAIN.ONE DAY THE SNAIL UP AND HEADS BACK TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE.FINALLY, AFTER A YEAR, THE LITTLE GUY CRAWLS BACK ON THE PORCH.RIGHT THEN, THE MAN WALKS OUT TO GO TO WORK AND SEES THIS SNAIL AGAIN.SO HE SAYS TO IT, 'WHAT THE FUCK'S YOUR PROBLEM?'
JAKE:THAT'S MESSED UP.THAT WASN'T FUNNY.
ALONZO:THEN WHY ARE YOU CACKLING LIKE A JACKAL?
JAKE:I DUNNO.
ROGER:FIGURE THAT JOKE OUT AND YOU'LL FIGURE THE STREETS OUT.
ALONZO:DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.THERE'S NOTHING TO FIGURE OUT.THE STREET'S NOTHING MORE THAN SENSELESS BULLSHIT.
JAKE:UH-UH.I GOT 'EM FIGURED OUT.
ROGER:YOU GOT THE STREETS FIGURED OUT?
JAKE:YEAH.IT'S ALL SMILES AND CRIES.
ALONZO:GIVE UP.YOU'RE TOO HIGH, SPACE CAPTAIN.
ROGER:HOLD ON - SMILES AND CRIES.I HEAR YOU.
JAKE:YOU GOTTA CONTROL YOUR SMILES AND CRIES.NO ONE CAN TAKE THEM AWAY SO.THEY'RE ALL WE REALLY HAVE.
ALONZO:THINK THIS GREENHORN CAN HANDLE UNDERCOVER?
ROGER:YOU WERE JUST LIKE HIM.
ALONZO:FUCK YOU.
ROGER:SAME SILLY-ASS LOOK AND EVERYTHING.SAVING THE FUCKIN' WORLD.
ALONZO:THAT LASTED A WEEK.
ALONZO:BROTHER, I GOTTA GET BACK IN MY OFFICE.THANKS FOR THE SNORT, DOG.WHAT'RE YOU UP TO TODAY?
ROGER:THINK I GET OUT OF THE HOUSE?
ROGER:TAKE CARE, HOYT.YOU'RE GONNA DO OKAY.
JAKE:WHAT?
ALONZO:HE LIKED YOU.
JAKE:WHO IS HE? ONE OF YOUR SNITCHES?
ALONZO:HE'S NO SNITCH.HE'S A GOOD MAN TO KNOW.C'MON, LET'S FIND SOME ACTION IN NIGGERTOWN.N-WORDTOWN.WHAT ARE YOU, HOYT? YOU AIN'T PURE WHITEBOY.YOU MIXED?
JAKE:ITALIAN, IRISH AND MEXICAN.
ALONZO:NO SHIT? YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP.HOW'S THE ESPANOL?
JAKE:MAS O MENOS.
ALONZO:WORK ON IT.PEOPLE'LL BE PLOTTING THE WORST KIND OF SHIT BEHIND YOUR BACK.
ALONZO:C'MON, MAN.OPEN YOUR EYES.YOU'LL MAKE IT WORSE.
ALONZO:SIT YOUR ASS UP.HOYT!
JAKE:WHO'RE YOU?
ALONZO:THE FUCKIN' ZIG-ZAG MAN.
JAKE:COOL.I'M A COP.
ALONZO:YOU'RE A LITTLE BITTY BOOT.
ALONZO:C'MON.IT HELPS.BELIEVE ME.
ALONZO:OH, DAMN!
JAKE:OH, SHIT! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
ALONZO:RELAX.SEE THAT SAVORY MEXICAN MAMA?
ALONZO:MMMM-MMMM.THE BROWN WOMAN IS THE FINE WOMAN.GIVE HER TEN MORE BABIES TO PUSH AROUND.THICK AND TASTY.LOVE TO GET UP IN THAT.YOUR OLD LADY WHITE? FUCKIN' NORDIC CHEERLEADER, RIGHT?
JACK:WRONG.SHE'S CHICANA.LIGHT- SKINNED.
ALONZO:I LIKE MY MEAT DARK.C'MON, POUND THAT BEER.HAVE ANOTHER.GIVES YOU BALLAST.
ALONZO:DUMBASS.DON'T SPILL IT.YOU GOTTA LEARN HOW TO PARTY.
JAKE:I'M FINE.
ALONZO:YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO HANDLE A HIGH.IT'S A NECESSARY JOB SKILL.I'M NOT KIDDING.IT'S AN ALCOHOL WORLD DOWN HERE.YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO HANG.TO GET FUCKED UP AND TALK SHIT WITH SKETCHY SOCIOPATHIC DUMBASSES AND NOT PASS OUT AND GET YOUR SHOES STOLEN.
JAKE:I'M FINE.JUST A LITTLE DIZZY.
ALONZO:NOT IN MY CAR!
ALONZO:OKAY, OKAY.WELL'S DRY, KID.
JAKE:SORRY.
ALONZO:WIPE YOUR CHIN.
JAKE:I'M COOL NOW.HAD TO UNLOAD THE GROCERIES.
JAKE:ACTIVITY ON THE RIGHT? STOP THE CAR!
ALONZO:SIDDOWN, HOYT.EVERYTHING'S FINE.
JAKE:STOP THE FUCKING CAR!
ALONZO:C'MON, RELAX.YOU'RE TRIPPIN'
ALONZO:GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!
ALONZO:DUMB-ASS KID.
JAKE:POLICE OFFICER! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
CRACKHEAD:GONNA FUCK YOU TOO, COP.
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-ONE:YOU'RE ASS IS DOOMED.
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-ONE:WE DIDN'T DO SHIT.BITCH IS CRAZY AND SHIT.
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-TWO:MAN, YOU FUCKIN' UP, SLICK.HOMEGIRL TRADIN' HER ASS FOR COOKIES.
JAKE:SHUT THE FUCK UP, SIR!
JAKE:THANKS FOR THE HELP.
ALONZO:SHOULD'A SHOT 'EM.
JAKE:WE'RE POLICE OFFICERS.YOU OKAY? YOU HURT?
SCHOOLGIRL:YOU FUCKED UP! MY COUSINS ARE FROM WHITE FENCE.THEY'RE GONNA BLAST YOU FOOLS! PINCHI MAYATES!
ALONZO:MISS! RELAX! ARE YOU OKAY?
SCHOOLGIRL:WHAT? NO.NO, I'M NOT OKAY.LOOKIT MY NOSE.MY MOM'S GONNA TRIP OUT.
ALONZO:HONEY, IT'S JUST A NOSEBLEED.PUT ICE ON IT.DON'T BE WALKIN' AROUND HERE ALONE.TELL YOUR COUSINS TO GET YOUR BACK.YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE PIECES'A SHIT WERE GONNA DO.PROBABLY GOT AIDS.WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL?
SCHOOLGIRL:I WAS GOING TO A DITCH PARTY.
ALONZO:YOU ALMOST BECAME A DITCH PARTY.GO HOME.GO HOME.NOW.
JAKE:I GOTTA GET HER STATEMENT.
ALONZO:UNHOOK EM'.WE'RE NOT RACKING UP ARRESTS.
JAKE:KICK 'EM LOOSE?
ALONZO:NO.GET SOME SHOTS IN FIRST.
JAKE:I HAVE A PUNCHING BAG AT HOME.I WANT THEM OFF THE STREET.
ALONZO:HEAR THAT, BRO? MY DOG, HERE, WANTS TO LOCK YOU UP.BEEN TO THE BOOTYHOUSE? GRABBIN' ANKLES FOR THE BIG BOYS?
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-ONE:SUCK MY DICK, BITCH.I KNOW PEOPLE.
ALONZO:KICK BACK, WHO'S-WHO.
ALONZO:WHERE'S YOUR HORN?
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-TWO:AIN'T GOT NO HORN.
ALONZO:SO WHAT'S THIS, CHIEF? GONNA MAKE YOU EAT IT.
ALONZO:YA'LL LUCKY I GOT PRESSING BUSINESS TODAY - YOU, STAND UP.
ALONZO:YOU GET TO KEEP THOSE.
ALONZO:AIN'T THE FIRST HONEY YA'LL PINNED TO A WALL, HUH? CLOSE YOUR EYES.
ALONZO:NEXT TIME I CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.I'LL LEAVE YOU THREE ALONE.GONNA GRAB SOME BEER.
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-TWO:PUSSY MOTHERFUCKER.GONNA SEE YOUR ASS AGAIN.GONNA FUCK YOU UP, BITCH.WON'T SEE SHIT COMING.CREEP LIKE A NINJA AND CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN.BLOW YOUR HOUSE UP.PUNK-ASS WHITE BOY.NOW YOU IN MY WORLD, MOTHERFUCKER.
JAKE:YOU ASSHOLES! SHE'S FIFTEEN!
CRACKHEAD-NUMBER-TWO:SHE ALL WOMAN.TAX THAT ASS FOR DAYS.
ALONZO:WANNA BOOK SIXTY BUCKS? WHERE'RE THE SUSPECTS?
JAKE:YOU LET THEM GO.
ALONZO:GET OVER IT.YOU WANNA GO RUNNIN' AND GUNNIN', STAY IN PATROL.THIS IS INVESTIGATIONS.LEAVE THE GARBAGE FOR THE GARBAGE MEN.WE'RE PROFESSIONAL ANGLERS.WE REEL IN THE BIG ONES.SHOULD'A DISHED OUT SOME SHOE LEATHER.YOU'D HAVE A BIG 'OL SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
JAKE:I GET MY SHITS AND GRINS BOOKING BAD GUYS, NOT BEATING THEM.
ALONZO:MAN.THE FUCK YOU DOING RUNNING ALONE INTO AN ALLEY FULL'A CRACKED-OUT MONKEY-STRONG MOTHERFUCKERS? THOSE HEMORRHOIDS WOULDTA KILLED YOU WITHOUT MERCY OR HESITATION.
JAKE:THAT'S WHY THEY BELONG IN PRISON.
ALONZO:THEY LOST THEIR MONEY, THEIR ROCK, GOT BEAT DOWN AND NOW THE ESES FROM WHITE FENCE ARE GONNA SMOKE 'EM.JESUS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
JAKE:JUSTICE.
ALONZO:IS THAT NOT JUSTICE?
JAKE:THAT'S STREET JUSTICE.
ALONZO:WHAT'S WRONG WITH STREET JUSTICE?
JAKE:LET THE ANIMALS WIPE THEMSELVES OUT, RIGHT?
ALONZO:IF ONLY THEY WOULD.BUT IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT.THEY WIPE OUT THE GOOD FOLKS.NOTICE HOW IT'S ALWAYS SCHOOL KIDS, MOMMIES AND ASS-BUSTIN' FAMILY MEN CATCHING STRAY SLUGS IN THEIR NOODLES.YOU PROTECT THE SHEEP BY CATCHING THE WOLVES.IT TAKES A WOLF TO CATCH A WOLF.
JAKE:WHAT?
ALONZO:YOU PROTECT
JAKE:I HEARD YOU.WHATEVER.
JAKE:WHEN DO YOU LOCK ANYONE UP? SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE TOO BUSY KEEPING PEOPLE OUT.
ALONZO:SHUT UP, BOOT! NOTHIN' BUT SHIT 'TWEEN YOUR EARS.THEY BUILD PRISONS CAUSE'A ME! JUDGES HAVE HANDED OUT FIFTEEN THOUSAND MAN YEARS OF INCARCERATION TIME BASED ON MY INVESTIGATIONS.MY RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.HOW MANY FELONS HAVE YOU COLLARED? DICKHEAD.
ALONZO:HERE.
JAKE:I'M NOT SMOKING CRACK.
ALONZO:GOOD.I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.TOSS 'EM IN THE GLOVE BOX.
ALONZO:COMES IN HANDY.LIKE A DEBIT CARD.YOU EARNED IT.C'MON.
ALONZO:NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.REMINDS ME OF WHEN I COULD CHASE DOWN ANYONE AND FUCK THEM UP.YOU'RE A GOOD COP.YOU GOT FIRE.THAT WAS SOME AMAZING SHIT BACK THERE.
JAKE:THANKS.
ALONZO:THAT THE CHOKE HOLD I SAW YOU APPLYING? ISN'T THAT A BIG NO-NO, PROCEDURE-BOY?
JAKE:WELL.I WAS GETTING MY ASS KICKED.
ALONZO:YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO.
ALONZO:YOU GOT A MAGIC EYE, HOYT.YOU HAVE A MAGIC FUCKING EYE.UP YOUR STREET I.Q.AND YOU'LL DO SOME DAMAGE, CRIME FIGHTER.
ALONZO:THIS IS SOUTHWEST DIV.DID MY PROBATION HERE.LEARNED A LOT HERE.GOOD THINGS.BAD THINGS.KICKED SOME ASS.HAD MY ASS KICKED.
JAKE:BACK IN THE DAYS.
ALONZO:YEAH, BACK IN THE DAYS.TODAY'S MY DATE OF EMPLOYMENT.KNOW HOW LONG I BEEN A COP? THIRTEEN YEARS.SEVEN MORE AND I CASH OUTTA THE GAME.
JAKE:NO SHIT.HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
ALONZO:THANKS.THIRTEEN'S AN UNLUCKY NUMBER BUT THE SEVEN TO GO CANCEL IT OUT.
JAKE:YOU'RE MR.CLEAN.
ALONZO:I HAD A FEW MISCONCEPTIONS WHEN I STARTED OUT.ON THE LEFT.SEE THAT HOUSE? DUDE NAMED SPOOKY LIVED THERE.MEAN OLD VATO LOCO.MEXICAN MAFIA.NO ONE FUCKED WITH SPOOKY.EVEN GOT RESPECT FROM THE COPS.WE'D KEEP AN EYE ON HIS HOUSE.YOU LIKE DOGS?
JAKE:GOTTA SIX-YEAR-OLD ROTTWEILER.NOT TOO BRIGHT, BUT I CAN TRUST HIM WITH MY KID.
ALONZO:ROTTIES ARE GOOD DOGS.DOBERMANS ARE BETTER.SPOOKY RAISED DOBERMANS.ON MY SECOND WEEK OF PATROL, WHEN I WAS NOT KNOWIN' SHIT, WE ROLL BY SPOOKY'S ONE NIGHT.I OBSERVE THIS OLD, BLACK FOOL, NAMED TOO FINE, ALL DRUNK, BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS FEMALE DOBERMAN.BEAUTIFUL DOG, SEVEN MONTHS OLD.TOO FINE'S WHOOPIN' HER WITH A GARDEN HOSE.THIS DOG'S JUST CRYING, SHAKING.I GREW UP WITH DOBERMANS.I WAS PISSED.I TELL MY T.O.'I'M GONNA TAKE HIM.' AND MY T.O.IS LIKE:'NO, NO.IT'S COOL.' HE FUCKIN' WAVES TO TOO FINE AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER SMILES AND WAVES BACK AND KEEPS HITTING THE DOG.THOUGHT I LOST MY DAMN MIND.TELLS ME SPOOKY GAVE HIM TWENTY BUCKS TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.MY T.O., THIS GOOD 'OL BOY, LOOKS ME IN THE EYE AND SAYS:'TEACHES 'EM TO HATE NIGGERS.' ALMOST QUIT RIGHT THERE.ALMOST GOT OUT OF THE FUCKIN' BLACK AND WHITE AND TOOK THE BUS HOME.
JAKE:THAT'S FUCKED UP.THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST FUCKED UP THINGS I EVER HEARD.
ALONZO:JUST REMEMBERED THAT.EVERY TIME I'D SEEN IT ALL, THE STREET'D SHOW ME SOMETHING EVEN MORE FUCKED UP.I KNOW YOU DIDN'T SEE NO SHIT LIKE THAT IN THE VALLEY.
JAKE:NO, I HAVEN'T.
ALONZO:DOUBLE-NICKEL CRIPS CONTROL SHIT HERE.THEY COME UP HARD.COME IN HERE RUNNING UNDERCOVER SHIT AND GET MADE AS A NARC, THE O.G.S'LL BOOTY-BUST YOU THEN SOME THIRTEEN- YEAR-OLD WANNABE'LL CURBSTONE YOU.FEED YOUR DEAD ASS TO A PIT BULL.YOUNGINS HERE FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO DUMP A COP.EVERYONE WANTS A NAME.
JAKE:THAT REALLY HAPPEN?
ALONZO:NO, HOYT, I'M PULLIN' YOUR DICK.ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.IT'S LOONY TUNES HERE.KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR ROCK STARS.
ALONZO:THERE'S ONE.DON'T LET HIM SEE YOUR FACE.AND DON'T LET ANYONE RUN UP ON US WITH A SHOTGUN.
PEANUT:WHAT YOU WANT, HOMIE?
ALONZO:TWENTY.GIMME A BIG-ASS CHIP.
ALONZO:LET'S TAKE A RIDE, ASSHOLE.
ALONZO:YOU FROM DOUBLE NICKEL?
PEANUT:AIN'T FROM SHIT.
ALONZO:AGAIN:WHERE YOU FROM?
PEANUT:MY MOM.
ALONZO:YOUR MOM? FROM HER ASS? YOU A BUTT BABY?
PEANUT:FUCK YOU
ALONZO:WHAT DO THEY CALL YOU?
PEANUT:PEANUT.
ALONZO:YOU IN DOUBLE NICKEL, PEANUT?
ALONZO:SEE, RESPECT ME, I RESPECT YOU.TALK SHIT, I FUCK YOU UP.AH'ITE, HOMIE.
PEANUT:AH'ITE.
ALONZO:WHO'S THE BOSS?
PEANUT:YOU.
ALONZO:NO, DUMBASS.WHO YOU SLANGIN' FOR?
ALONZO:GIMME A NAME OR YOUR HAND.CHOOSE NOW.
PEANUT:MR.MIGHTY.
ALONZO:BACK TO WORK, POO-BUTT.
JAKE:HE WAS JUST A KID.
ALONZO:KIDS OR NOT, GOTTA MAKE 'EM SING.
JAKE:WHO'S MR.MIGHTY? LET'S GET HIM.
ALONZO:NOPE.CAN'T CATCH THAT FISH.
JAKE:WHY NOT?
ALONZO:LIVES IN THE UNINCORPORATED PART OF LYNWOOD.WE DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH COUNTY SHERIFFS.FUCK THAT HEADACHE.WASTIN' OUR TIME HERE.LET'S HEAD EAST.
ALONZO:YOUR TURN.
JAKE:WHAT DO I SAY?
ALONZO:ADLIB, DUMBFUCK.
DEALER:WHAT YOU WANT, HOMIE?
JAKE:CRACK.TWENTY DOLLARS' WORTH.
DEALER:FUCK YOU, ROOKIE.
ALONZO:FETCH, BOY.FETCH.
ALONZO:LOVE DOING THAT, HUH? WHO YOU WORK FOR, FUCKSTAIN?
DEALER:CAN'T WORK.I'M ON DISABILITY.
ALONZO:BULLSHIT.YOU CRACKIN'.
ALONZO:NO ROCKS?
JAKE:NO ROCKS.
DEALER:AW, DANG.SEE? YA'LL AIN'T GOT SHIT.THE MAN COMIN' UP SHORT AGAIN.
ALONZO:I NEVER COME UP SHORT, FOOL.OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
ALONZO:LIFT YOUR TONGUE.
DEALER:SEE.I AIN'T BE GOTTIN' SHIT.
ALONZO:GIMME A PEN.
DEALER:MOTHERFUCKER!
ALONZO:LOOKIE THOSE.
DEALER:THAT'S CORN.
ALONZO:THAT'S JIMMY CRACK CORN.ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.SIX.HOW'D YOU SWALLOW THAT SHIT WITHOUT WATER?
DEALER:FUCKIN' BULLSHIT! FUCK YOU, CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATIN' MOTHERFUCKERS.
ALONZO:GONNA ACT LIKE A MAN OR A BITCH?! GOT YOU COLD.GIMME A NAME AND STAY ON THE STREETS.
DEALER:HE IN COUNTY.
ALONZO:WHO?
DEALER:SANDMAN.HE'S SHOT CALLIN'.
ALONZO:UNHOOK HIM, HOYT.
ALONZO:AND COLLECT THE EVIDENCE.
JAKE:FUCK YOU.
ALONZO:YOU'RE LEARNING.
ALONZO:WHAT?
JAKE:YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
ALONZO:AFTERNOON, BOB.IT'S ALONZO, RAMPART NARCS.- YEAH, BOB, STILL HERE.SHOOT.
ALONZO:OKAY.THANK YOU, SIR.THAT'S GONNA DO IT.HAVE A GOOD ONE.
JAKE:WE GO AFTER THE SANDMAN?
ALONZO:WE GO AFTER THE SANDMAN.
JAKE:GONNA OPEN A CIRCUIT CITY?
ALONZO:IT'S UNCLAIMED SHIT FROM PROPERTY.I PASS IT OUT TO INFORMANTS, VICTIMS, WITNESSES.HELP THEIR FAMILIES OUT.
ALONZO:INTEL SAYS HIS MOM'S IN THE RESIDENCE WITH TWO FEMALE JUVENILES AND A POSSIBLE MALE JUVENILE.
JAKE:IF HE'S NOT HERE, WHY ARE WE HERE?
ALONZO:WE GOTTA SERVE THIS SEARCH WARRANT.
JAKE:WE CAN'T DO THAT.
ALONZO:YES WE CAN, SUPERCOP.DING-DING, THAT'S THE SCHOOLBELL.
JAKE:GET A REAL WARRANT.
ALONZO:I WANNA GET SHIT DONE.
ALONZO:DON'T GET ME KILLED, NEW GUY.
ALONZO:POLICE! SEARCH WARRANT!
JAKE:L.A.P.D.! OPEN THE DOOR.
WOMAN:KEVIN AIN'T HERE.HE UP AT THE HONOR RANCH.
ALONZO:L.A.P.D.! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR OR WE KICK IT IN! MA'AM?!
ALONZO:SEARCH WARRANT.UNLOCK THE DOOR AND BACK AWAY.
JAKE:STAND UP, MA'AM.
ALONZO:ANYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE, MA'AM?
WOMAN:MY NEPHEW, DIMITRI.HE IN THE BEDROOM.THE BOY IS TEN.
ALONZO:COVER HER.GONNA CLEAR THE HOUSE.
JAKE:YOU CAN SIT.PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR KNEES.
ALONZO:KITCHEN'S CLEAR!
ALONZO:BEDROOMS'RE CLEAR! BRINGING OUT THE KID!
ALONZO:S'OKAY, SON, WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS.GO SIT ON THE COUCH WITH YOUR AUNT - HOUSE IS CODE-FOUR.GONNA START MY SEARCH.
WOMAN:I WANNA READ THE WARRANT.
JAKE:MY PARTNER HAS IT.
WOMAN:WHERE'S YOUR BACK-UP?
JAKE:MA'AM, PLEASE BE QUIET WHILE WE CONDUCT OUR INVESTIGATION.
WOMAN:YOU GOT THE GUN, BOSS.CROOKED-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS.
JAKE:HEY, LITTLE MAN.HOW'S IT GOING?
JAKE:MA'AM.STAY SEATED.
WOMAN:WHO YOU BE THINKIN'? COMIN' IN LIKE YOU PAY THE RENT.
JAKE:MA'AM, SIT DOWN.
WOMAN:BOTH YA'LLS STINK.DRINKIN' ALL DAY.GOTTA GET LIQUORED UP TO DO BUSINESS?
JAKE:SIDDOWN.
WOMAN:GONNA SHOOT ME, BOSS? KIDS, DON'T LOOK.THE DRUNK POLICEMAN GONNA SHOOT ME NOW.
ALONZO:DIDN'T FIND SHIT.LET'S GO - SORRY ABOUT THE INCONVENIENCE, MA'AM.THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.
WOMAN:I WANNA SEE THE WARRANT.
ALONZO:HERE.
WOMAN:FUCKIN' JACKERS! YOU AIN'T NO FUCKIN' POLICE! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE WITH MY MONEY!
WOMAN:WHY YA'LL STANDIN' THERE LOOKIN' PRETTY?! BLAST THEM FOOLS!
ALONZO:C'MON, BABY.DON'T DO ME LIKE THAT.
ALONZO:FUCKIN' BITCH! START!
ALONZO:START IT!
JAKE:GUN! GUN! GUN!
ALONZO:START IT!
ALONZO:SHIT.LET'S HIT A LIQUOR STORE.
ALONZO:GUN! GUN! GUN!
ALONZO:FIRST TIME YOU BEEN SHOT AT?
JAKE:NO.
ALONZO:YEAH, IT IS.
JAKE:THAT WASN'T COOL.THAT WASN'T COOL AT ALL.WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?
ALONZO:LOOKING FOR NARCOTICS ACTIVITY.SCALES.BAGGIES.GUNS.COKE.BUD.ETCETERA.
JAKE:CASH.?
ALONZO:SAY IT, MOTHERFUCKER.
JAKE:SHE WAS SCREAMING ABOUT MONEY.
ALONZO:BITCH WAS TALKING SHIT.TRYING TO GET US BLASTED BY HER HOMIES.
ALONZO:WHAT?
JAKE:I DUNNO.I'M JUST A NEW GUY.A DAISY-FRESH SCUZZ-HEAD BOOT.YOU TELL ME WHAT.
ALONZO:I DON'T DENY MY SHIT STINKS.I WILL NEVER DENY THAT.SO WHY DO I GOT THE BEST ARREST AND CONVICTION RECORD IN THE COUNTY.WHY? 'CAUSE I DON'T HANDICAP MYSELF WITH BULLSHIT.
JAKE:I THOUGHT THAT BULLSHIT SERVED A PURPOSE.
ALONZO:YOU THOUGHT WRONG.THERE'S HEMORRHOIDS WALKING FREE ON THE STREETS RIGHT NOW WHO'VE KILLED FUCKIN' THREE, FOUR, FIVE PEOPLE.I KNOW IT, THEY KNOW IT, EVERY DETECTIVE ON PAYROLL KNOWS IT.WHY DO THESE TURDS STILL FLOAT AROUND? THE RULES.I TAKE DOWN THE DULY DESERVING.I'M NOT LOCKING UP MR.NINE-TO-FIVE, MR.FAMILY PROVIDER.
ALONZO:C'MON, COMMUNICATE.WHAT AREN'T YOU SAYING? TALK TO ME.
JAKE:I THINK.I THINK YOU'RE A ROGUE COP.
ALONZO:FUCKIN' HOYT, MAN.KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE ALRIGHT.YOU ARE ALRIGHT.
ALONZO:YOU'RE IN A PRIVILEGED POSITION TO LEARN A THING OR TWO IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND YOUR EYES OPEN.IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT DOING GOOD OUT IN THE REAL WORLD, THIS IS THE PLACE TO LEARN HOW.IF THIS SHIT SHAKES YOU UP, GO BACK TO DIVISION AND CRY TO THE WATCH COMMANDER.HE'LL FIND YOU A NICE JOB LIGHTING FLARES AND MEASURING WRECKS.DECIDE NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE A WOLF OR A SHEEP.IF YOU WANT ON MY SQUAD, I'LL SIGN YOUR CARD.
ALONZO:IF NOT, GET OUT OF MY CAR.
ALONZO:WELCOME TO NARCOTICS, OFFICER HOYT.
JAKE:I'M GOING TO DO MY BEST.
ALONZO:YOU DO AND YOU'LL RUN THE UNIT SOMEDAY.YOU HUNGRY? LET'S CODE SEVEN.
JAKE:WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE'LL BE KILLED COMING IN HERE.
ALONZO:OH, YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THIS NECK OF THE WOODS?
JAKE:NO MAN'S LAND.YOU GOT BROADWAY THERE, DIVIDING THE EASTSIDE-WESTSIDE HISPANIC GANGS.AND ADAMS BOULEVARD THERE IS THE ONLY THING SEPARATING THE ROLLING TWENTIES BLOODS FROM THE HOOVER CRIPS.THEY SAID NEVER COME IN HERE WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A PLATOON.
ALONZO:ON TOP OF THAT, AREA'S AN ADMINISTRATIVE NIGHTMARE.FOUR L.A.P.D.DIVISION BOUNDARIES MEET HERE.RAMPART, CENTRAL, SOUTHWEST AND NEWTON.THAT MAKES EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS HERE THE OTHER GUY'S PROBLEM.
JAKE:I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO EAT.
JAKE:THAT LITTLE KID'S A LOOKOUT.
ALONZO:LOTS OF EYES ON US RIGHT NOW.NEVER COME UP IN HERE WITHOUT ME.FOR YOUR SAFETY.I'M SERIOUS.
JAKE:OKAY.WHY DO YOU HAVE A GOLDEN PASS?
ALONZO:BECAUSE I'M SQUARE WITH 'EM.BUT THEY KNOW IF THE LINE IS CROSSED, I'M LEADING THE PLATOON IN HERE.
ALONZO:BUENAS TARDES, DONA LUCILA.
ALONZO:DON'T LOOK AT THEM.
ALONZO:SEE THAT DUDE BENCHING?
JAKE:YEAH, JESUS.
ALONZO:EXACTLY, YOU RUN INTO HIM; YOU PRAY.REAL QUICK HANDS FOR A BIG GUY.USED TO MAKE MONEY BOXING BUT HE FUCKED THAT UP.
JAKE:WHAT'S HERE?
ALONZO:A LOVING TOUCH.
WOMAN:QUIEN.?
ALONZO:POLICIA, SENORITA.
SARA:HI, PAPI.
ALONZO:HE'S JUST MY NEW GUY.
SARA:HI.HOW ARE YOU?
JAKE:GOOD, THANK YOU.
SARA:COME IN, COME IN.WELCOME TO MY HOUSE.
ALONZO:YOU HAD A ROUGH MORNING.RELAX AND LET HER HOOK YOU UP.
SARA:HERE.TAKE THIS.I HAVE CABLE.YOU WATCH WHAT YOU WANT.THIS IS YOUR HOUSE.DON'T BE SHY.
SARA:THIS IS EL SALVADOR FOOD.I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
JAKE:THANK YOU.THIS IS GREAT.I'M STARVING.
SARA:I'M SORRY.I HAVE TOO.
SARA:WOW.THAT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.YOU'RE SMILING.
ALONZO:WASSUP, WOMAN? LOOKIN' GOOD TODAY.
SARA:WELL, HAPPY MAN:YOU DIDN'T SAY 'HI' TO YOUR SON.HE'S BEEN ASKING FOR YOU.
ALONZO:YEAH, WELL.I WILL.
SARA:HOW'S YOUR WIFE?
ALONZO:WHY THE FUCK YOU COMIN' AT ME WITH ALL THIS SHIT? DON'T YOU HAVE A BRAIN? I'M IN A GOOD FUCKIN' MOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WHO KNOWS HOW THE FUCK LONG AND YOU START TALKIN' SHIT.MAN.JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.TAKE THAT SHIT OFF AND GET YOUR ASS IN BED.
SARA:I'M NOT A PIECE OF SOMETHING FOR YOU TO BARK AT, MISTER.
ALONZO:I'M SORRY.PLEASE GET YOUR ASS IN BED.I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.
SARA:THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT TO.NOT BECAUSE YOU TELL ME TO.
ALONZO:WHATEVER.
ALONZO:LET'S GO.WE'RE ROLLIN'.GOTTA MEETING IN FIFTEEN.
ALONZO:GO TO THE CAR.
JAKE:I WANNA THANK HER FOR THE FOOD.IT WAS GREAT.
ALONZO:I'LL TELL HER, DON'T WORRY.
JAKE:SEE YOU LATER, LITTLE MAN.
ALONZO:HEY.HOW YOU BEEN? BEEN GOOD? GETTIN' HEAVY, MISTER.MAMA SAYS YOU MISS ME.
JAKE:WHAT ABOUT YOUR QUEEN?
ALONZO:SARA'S MY PRINCESS.
JAKE:I LIKE HER.SHE'S A REALLY COOL LADY.
ALONZO:SO ARE HER TWO SISTERS.THEY LOOK FUCKIN' GOOD AND THEY PARTY.HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BITCH SANDWICH? COME TO VEGAS WITH US.
JAKE:NO, THANKS.I GET MINE AT HOME.
ALONZO:YOU'RE MISSING OUT.I SHOULD KNOW.
JAKE:HER KID LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.HE'S NUMBER FIVE.
ALONZO:NUMBER SIX.
JAKE:SIX KIDS.THAT'S ALL? OR YOU HOLDING ROYAL COURT IN A FEW MORE HOUSES?
ALONZO:I'M ONLY AWARE OF SIX.
JAKE:IT'S EASY TO MAKE A BABY
ALONZO:AND HARD TO TAKE CARE OF ONE.FUCK YOU, OKAY? NO ONE'S GOING HUNGRY.EVERYONE GETS PLENTY OF WHAT THEY NEED:TOYS, SHOES, CLOTHES.
JAKE:LOVE?
ALONZO:LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY.
ALONZO:USE IT.
JAKE:WHO'S HERE?
ALONZO:DON'T SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO.
LOU:I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M MEETING YOU.I DON'T TALK TO DEAD MEN.
ALONZO:AIN'T DEAD YET, YOU PRICK.
LOU:FUCKIN' ALONZO.HEARD YOU JUST TUCKED LUCKY NUMBER THIRTEEN UNDER YOUR BELT.HEY, MAN.CONGRATULATIONS.
ALONZO:THANKS, LOU.WHAT, MARKED YOUR CALENDAR?
DOUG:CONGRATULATIONS.GOOD TO SEE YOU.
STAN:CONGRATULATIONS.YOU MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS MADNESS.
LOU:WHO THE FUCK IS RICKY ROOKIE?
ALONZO:THIS IS JAKE HOYT, FIRST DAY ON THE SQUAD.
ALONZO:JAKE, THIS IS LOU JACOBS, INTERAGENCY TASK-FORCE COORDINATOR.YOU EVER HAVE TO TALK TO A FED, TALK TO THIS MAN FIRST.HE'LL GET YOUR BACK.
JAKE:PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.
ALONZO:THIS IS STAN GURSKY, SENIOR INVESTIGATOR FOR THE L.A.COUNTY OFFICER INVOLVED SHOOTING TEAM.THINK ABOUT HIM BEFORE YOU PULL A TRIGGER, OKAY? STAN WILL ROCK YOUR WORLD IF YOU MAKE A BAD CALL.
JAKE:PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.
ALONZO:AND THIS IS DOUG MARCAB, METRO BURGLARY.DOES HIGH-DOLLAR CASES FOR THE POODLE CROWD.YOUR VAN GOGH TAKES A TRIP.DOUG'LL FIND IT.
JAKE:PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.
LOU:HAVE A SEAT, GUY.
ALONZO:SHOO, BOY.SHOO.
LOU:SEEMS LIKE A GOOD KID.
ALONZO:FUCKIN' ELBOW BENDERS READ MY MIND.
LOU:LOOK'S LIKE YOU'RE WAY AHEAD OF US.
ALONZO:I'M ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD OF YOU GUYS.
JULIE:THERE'S THE MYSTERY MAN.THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP ON US.WHAT'VE YOU BEEN UP TO?
ALONZO:BEEN GOOD.
JULIE:MORE BAD THAN GOOD, RIGHT?
ALONZO:YOU KNOW IT.
JULIE:MMMM-HMMM.YOU NEED TO EAT.COMBO PLATE?
ALONZO:NO.I'M GOOD.TOSS THE KID, THERE, A TACO AND A BEER.
ALONZO:WHY THE LONG FACE, DOUG? FEDS SEIZE YOUR HOUSE OR SOMETHING?
DOUG:FUCK YOU, ALONZO.
STAN:DOUG HAD A BAD DAY IN COURT TODAY - TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED.
DOUG:YOU TELL HIM, THINK IT'S SO FUNNY.
STAN:HE WENT TO A SENTENCING HEARING.ON A THREE STRIKES CASE AGAINST A SILK-SUIT CATBURGLAR TYPE.FUCKWAD PULLED FIFTEEN ENCINO BURGLARIES.
DOUG:SPENT TWELVE MONTHS TRYING TO CATCH THE SUSPECT, A REAL SLICKSTER, GAVE UP NOTHING.CAPTAIN RODE MY ASS THE ENTIRE TIME.WHAT BROKE IT? LUCK.CAUGHT IN THE ACT BY A FUCKIN' PATROLMAN.WE HAD HIM.IT WAS THE PROSECUTOR'S FIRST SERIAL BURGLARY CASE BUT HE SLAM- DUNKED IT FROM A STEPLADDER.CLOCKWORK TRIAL.JURY DELIBERATES HALF A DAY.COMES BACK GUILTY ON TEN OUT OF ELEVEN COUNTS.THE FUCKBAG WAS LOOKING AT A TWENTY- FIVE MININUM.
STAN:MININUM.BYE-BYE, TOILET-LICKER.
DOUG:SENTENCING WAS TODAY
LOU:JUDGE IS FEMALE.
DOUG:RIGHT.FEMALE JUDGE.
ALONZO:WHO?
DOUG:LANDERS.THE STRESS-CASE BRUNETTE.
ALONZO:I KNOW HER.SHARP LADY.
DOUG:BEFORE THIS GUY GOES TO THE HEARING, HE GETS A HOLD OF SOME PEANUT BUTTER AND PACKS HIS ASS CRACK WITH IT.SO THERE HE IS, STANDING TALL BEFORE THE BENCH TO GIVE HIS STATEMENT AND HE SHOVES HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS AND COMES OUT WITH A GOB OF FUCKIN' EXTRA- CHUNKY JIFF.COULD'A HEARD A PIN DROP.BAILIFFS WOULDN'T COME NEAR HIM.HE LOOKS THE JUDGE RIGHT IN HER EYES AND LICKS HIS FINGERS CLEAN.HOLY SHIT.THE JUDGE, SHE SCREAMS.ALL THESE HOMEOWNERS ARE THERE TO READ STATEMENTS, THEY RUN OUT OF SCREAMING.
STAN:NO, WAIT, HERE'S THE PUNCHLINE.
DOUG:JUDGE LANDERS, SHE SAYS:SHE ORDERED HIM TO PSYCHIATRIC.
ALONZO:YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING.SHE FELL FOR IT?
DOUG:TIME SHE FOUND OUT IT WAS SANDWICH SPREAD, THE ORDER WAS SIGNED AND HE'D BEEN TRANSFERRED.
ALONZO:PROCEEDINGS CLOSED.
DOUG:PROCEEDINGS CLOSED.
STAN:FUCKER'LL DO SIX MONTHS IN THE PUZZLE FACTORY BEFORE THEY SAY HE'S NORMAL AND KICK HIM LOOSE.
DOUG:SO A MAGGOT GNAWS ON A WRINKLENECK.REAL OR NOT, LOCK HIM UP.HE'S REPULSIVE NOT INSANE.
LOU:LITTLE KIDS EAT THEIR OWN SHIT.
STAN:NOT MY KIDS, LOU.
ALONZO:IT'S CALLED COPROLAGNIA.PEOPLE DO IT FOR SEX KICKS.
STAN:BULLSHIT.HOW DO YOU KNOW?
ALONZO:HAD A CASE WHEN I WORKED VICE.
LOU:ONLY IN AMERICA.
ALONZO:IF THE ASSHOLE'S CLEVER ENOUGH TO PLAY THE SYSTEM LIKE THAT, I SAY HE EARNED HIS FREEDOM.
DOUG:I SEE HIM ON THE STREET, I'M GONNA FUCKIN' DO HIM.
ALONZO:TAKE HIS BULLETS, STAN.
ALONZO:HEY, LISTEN TO THIS, MY NEW GUY, RIGHT? BEEN SHOWING HIM AROUND TOWN.SCORED SOME REEFER FOR HIM TO SMOKE.BUT HE WOULDN'T.SO I RUN THROUGH THE WHOLE BIT, THE GUN TO THE HEAD.EVERYTHING.'OKAY,' HE SAYS.I LIGHT UP AND IT STINKS LIKE BURNT RUBBER, RIGHT? I PASS IT TO HIM ANYWAY.
STAN:YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.
DOUG:KID'S GOTTA LEARN.
ALONZO:HE SUCKS THE SHIT DOWN.SHOWING ME HE CAN HANG.WE'RE IN MACARTHUR PARK AND HE STARTS SCREAMING AND JUMPS OUT OF THE FUCKIN' CAR.AND RUNS DOWN THE STREET.OMIGOD.I THOUGHT HE LOST IT.
ALONZO:SO I CHASE HIM DOWN THIS ALLEY AND, HOLY SHIT, HE'S JAMMING TWO HUGE CRACKHEADS AND THERE'S THIS PRETTY GIRL WITH A BLOODY NOSE.KID STOPPED A RAPE.
STAN:NO SHIT.
ALONZO:NO SHIT.
LOU:KID'S GOT A MAGIC EYE.
ALONZO:THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM.KID'S A PRINCE.
ALONZO:HIS FIRST DAY ON THE SQUAD AND KNOW WHAT HE TELLS ME? 'YOU'RE A ROGUE COP.'
LOU:OKAY.OKAY, LADIES.HERE'S TO THE CRAZIEST, MOST BOUNCE BACK, NINE LIVES COP TO DARKEN THE STREETS OF THIS FINE CITY.CONGRATULATIONS FOR - AHEM - HONORABLY COMPLETING THIRTEEN YEARS IN THE MOST FICKLE JOB A MAN COULD BE MARRIED TO.
LOU:YOU SHOULD BE AT DIVISION HIDING UNDER A DESK.
ALONZO:BEST WAY TO FIX A PROBLEM IS TO LOOK IT IN THE EYE.
LOU:I'M NOT THE PROBLEM.
STAN:HEARD YOU HAD AN EXPENSIVE WEEKEND IN VEGAS.HOW'D YOU FUCK UP SO BAD?
ALONZO:HOW COULD I KNOW? VEGAS AIN'T MY TOWN.I'M NOT OMNISCIENT.
LOU:YOU SHOULD HOP A JET OUTTA HERE.
ALONZO:WHY? IT'S AN EASY FIX.
LOU:HOW?
ALONZO:I CAN CASH OUT AN ACCOUNT.
STAN:WHOSE?
ALONZO:ONE OF MINE.MY FIRST.
LOU:YOU'RE FUCKED UP.
ALONZO:SOMEONE STEPS ON HIS TAIL, HE'LL CRY LIKE A COYOTE.I CAN'T KEEP HIM OFF THE RADAR FOREVER.HE'S A SECURITY RISK.
LOU:DO YOUR JOB AND NO ONE STEPS ON HIS TAIL.
ALONZO:FUCK HIM.I'M TAXING HIM.
LOU:IT'S YOUR CALL.
JULIE:YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN NOT TO LISTEN.
ALONZO:GIMME THE KEYS FOR THE GREY ONE.
ALONZO:IT'S ME.WE GOTTA GREEN LIGHT.FAX THE WARRANT TO THE CLERK AND TELL HER TO GET THE JUDGE TO SIGN IT.I WANT YOU AND PAUL TO BRING IT TO THE VAN.AND BRING SOME PICKS AND SHOVELS.SIGN 'EM OUT FROM MAINTENANCE.COPY THAT? GOOD.HURRY THE FUCK UP.
JAKE:HOW MUCH WAS IN YOUR JACKET?
ALONZO:FORTY G'S.
JAKE:WHAT FOR?
ALONZO:YOU WANNA KNOW?
JAKE:I WANNA KNOW.
ALONZO:NOTHING'S FREE IN THIS WORLD.NOT EVEN AN ARREST WARRANT.
JAKE:WHO'S IT FOR?
ALONZO:A REAL BAG OF SHIT.A GENUINE BAD GUY.BEEN INVESTIGATING THIS VILE BASTARD FOR TEN YEARS.HE'S A BIG FISH IN A BIG POND.TODAY I FRY HIM.THE SQUAD'S GONNA GET SOME GLORY.TALKIN' NAME-MAKING SHIT.WE'LL BE GETTING HANDSHAKES FROM THE CHIEF AND MAYOR.WANNA PIECE, NEW GUY?
JAKE:HELL, YEAH.I WANNA PIECE.
ALONZO:KNEW YOU WOULD.
VOICE:GO AWAY.
ALONZO:DADDY'S HOME.OPEN UP.
TIM:JERK.
JEFF:THE CHICK ALWAYS WINS.
ALONZO:GUESS WHAT, GUYS.JAKE'S JOINED THE TEAM.
TIM:GREAT.HERE'S MY OFFICIAL WELCOME TO THE SQUAD HANDSHAKE.
JAKE:THANKS.
JEFF:WELCOME ABOARD.HOW'S THE FIRST DAY? DON'T WORRY.GETS WORSE.
TIM:CHECK THIS OUT.
ALONZO:WHAT'S THIS SHIT?
TIM:INFRARED.TRAINED A THERMAL SCOPE ON A HOUSE DOWN THE STREET.
JEFF:SOME ASIAN CHICK.LIVES ALONE.EVERYDAY SOME ASSHOLE FROM WORK FOLLOWS HER HOME, THROWS IN SOME PUMPS AND BAILS.
TIM:THIS WAS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.YOU KNOW WE LOVE YELLOW-TAIL.CHECK THIS OUT.
TIM:I THREW ON THE CLIMBING IRONS AND GOT A CAMERA ON HER WINDOW.
JEFF:THIS AFTERNOON WE'RE SPIKING HER WALL FOR SOUND.
ALONZO:NO.YOU'RE NOT.ERASE THAT SHIT.
ALONZO:I'M NOT FUCKIN' KIDDING! ERASE THAT SHIT.AND ANY OTHER HORNY HOUSEWIFE TAPES YOU MADE.RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW!
TIM:OW, MAN.I'M ERASING.JESUS.
ALONZO:WHAT'S THIS? DAY CAMP SIGN-IN? REDO THE LOGS.NEATLY.WHY ISN'T THIS ON?
TIM:RESPECT.I DON'T WANNA WATCH THE DUDE IN HIS LIVING ROOM.
JEFF:WHY ARE YOU BEING A DICK? WHAT'S WRONG?
ALONZO:WHAT'S WRONG? ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR TWO DAYS IS JERK OFF AND PLAY SEGA.YOU PINHEADS EVEN SEE ME IN THERE THIS MORNING?
JEFF:NO ONE WENT IN THERE THIS MORNING.
ALONZO:I SHOULD SNAP YOUR NECK.
JEFF:OKAY.I'M SORRY.WE HAVEN'T BEEN DILIGENT.HOW CAN WE TAKE THIS GIG SERIOUSLY? WHO'S GONNA FUCK WITH HIM?
ALONZO:WE'RE GONNA FUCK WITH HIM.WE'RE SERVING AN ARREST WARRANT.
JEFF:WE CAN'T ARREST ROGER.
ALONZO:ERASE IT.
ALONZO:HERE WE GO.LEAST SOMEONE ON THE SQUAD HAS THEIR SHIT SQUARED AWAY.
JEFF:NICE SUIT, MARK.
TIM:BEAUTIFUL SUIT.
ALONZO:THANKS.MY PICKS AND SHOVELS?
MARK:IN THE TRUNK.GONNA DIG A DITCH?
ALONZO:YOU ARE.GREAT SUIT.
MARK:FUCK YOU.
ALONZO:HOWDY, KILLER.
PAUL:ALONZO, WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON?
ALONZO:DON'T WORRY.I TALKED TO THE THREE WISE MEN.IT'S ALL GOOD.
PAUL:IF WE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT, LET'S GO FOR IT.FUCK ROGER.WHO'S THIS?
JAKE:JAKE HOYT.FIRST DAY IN THE UNIT.I'M COMING FROM VAN NUYS PATROL.
PAUL:WHY'S HE IN ON THIS SHIT?
ALONZO:GOTTA POP HIS CHERRY SOMETIME.
PAUL:STAY OUTTA MY WAY, BOOT.
ALONZO:IT'S THE REAL DEAL.SIGNED BY THE JUDGE.THANK THE SANDMAN.
PAUL:ROGER'S NOT GONNA BE TOO KEEN ON GOING BACK TO THE POKEY.
ALONZO:I DON'T CARE WHAT ROGER THINKS.SUIT UP, LADIES.TIME TO PUNCH IN.
MARK:FREEZE UP! YOU NEED TO NOT MOVE, BREATH, THINK OR BLINK.
ROGER:WHAT ARE YOU CLOWNS DOING HERE?
PAUL:SHUT UP! - NEW GUY! HIS HANDS MOVE, BLAST HIM.
JAKE:I'M ON HIM.
ROGER:YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, SON?
PAUL:DROP WHAT'S IN YOUR HANDS.BEFORE ZERO.FIVE.FOUR.THREE.TWO.
ROGER:ALONZO'S GONNA KILL YOU GUYS.
ROGER:WHAT'S GOING DOWN, ALONZO?
ALONZO:I HAD LUNCH WITH THE THREE WISE MEN.YOU GOTTA RENDER UNTO CAESAR.
ROGER:THOSE GODDAMN VAMPIRES WANT MY PENSION.
ALONZO:NO, MAN, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.YOU'RE JUST GETTING TAXED.THEY GOT THEIR BOAT PAYMENTS AND GOD KNOWS WHAT.I'M SORRY.THEY'RE MAKIN' ME DO IT.I'M JUST A LOWLY CIVIL SERVANT.
ROGER:FUCK YOU.YOU'RE THEIR BITCH.WHAT HAPPENS WITH ME?
ALONZO:DON'T WORRY, BRO.I PROMISED YOU'D NEVER GO BACK TO PRISON.I GOT YOUR BACK.YOU WON'T EVEN MISS WHAT I'M GONNA TAKE.I HATE DOING THIS.ORDERS IS ORDERS.SORRY, DOG.
ROGER:NO, YOU AIN'T.COP.
ALONZO:GIMME THE BOOMER.
ROGER:WHO'S PAYING FOR MY FLOOR?
ALONZO:THE CITY.
ALONZO:OPEN THE FLOOR.RIGHT HERE.
ALONZO:HOP IN, HOYT.COUPLE'A OF FEET DOWN, THERE'S A LOCKER.
JAKE:WHAT'S IN IT?
ALONZO:OPEN IT.
JAKE:IT'S COKE?
ALONZO:GO AHEAD.IT WON'T BITE.
JAKE:HMMM.A GOOD FIVE KILOS.
ALONZO:CUT THE DAMN THING OPEN.
JAKE:THIS IS SWEET.
ALONZO:THAT'S A HUNDRED GRAND IN YOUR HOT LITTLE HANDS.THERE'S FOUR MILLION BUCKS IN THERE.
ALONZO:FIRST DAY ON THE JOB AND YOU'RE IN ON A THREE MILLION DOLLAR SEIZURE.
JAKE:YOU SAID FOUR.
ALONZO:TOLD YOU, NOTHING'S FOR FREE.GOTTA GREASE THE RAILS TO MAKE THE BIG MOVES.
ALONZO:HERE.LUCKY TO GET THIS, DAY-ONE- MOTHERFUCKER.
JAKE:WHAT'S THIS?
ALONZO:SWEET GREEN CLEAN LEGAL TENDER.START THE KID'S COLLEGE FUND EARLY.GET THE OLD LADY A MINIVAN.
JAKE:NO WAY.ONLY CHECKS I CASH SAY CITY OF L.A.ON 'EM.
JEFF:SOMEONE DIDN'T SLEEP THROUGH ETHICS.
ALONZO:YOU SAID YOU WANTED A PIECE.
JAKE:NOT LIKE THIS.
ALONZO:I UNDERSTAND.I'II HOLD ON TO IT FOR YOU.NOT EVERYONE'S COMFORTABLE THE FIRST TIME - LET'S WRAP UP.
ROGER:WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THOSE GUYS? ARE THEY NUTS? AM I SUPPOSED TO STAND STILL AND LET THEM HORSEFUCK ME?
ALONZO:NO.WE CAN PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY.
ALONZO:LEMME TELL YOU A SECRET, HOYT.IF YOU KILL SOMEONE ON DUTY, THEY HAVE TO BE YOUR SLAVE IN THE AFTERLIFE.THERE YOU GO.START AN ENTOURAGE.
JAKE:YOU WANT ME TO SHOOT HIM?
ROGER:YOU'D BE DOIN' ME A FAVOR, KID.
JAKE:BANG - THERE.
ALONZO:NOT GONNA TO DO IT?
JAKE:OF COURSE NOT.THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
ALONZO:MAN, YOUNGSTERS THESE DAYS.CAN'T GET SHIT DONE UNLESS YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
JAKE:HOLY SHIT!
PAUL:FINISH HIM.
ALONZO:HE'S FINISHED.
ALONZO:C'MERE, JEFF.YOU TOOK FIRE COMING THROUGH THE DOOR.
JEFF:ALRIGHT.GONNA GET SOME TIME OFF.
JEFF:WATCH MY OAKLEYS.
ALONZO:HOW'S THAT?
JEFF:FINE.
ALONZO:LISTEN UP.THIS IS THE SCENARIO.MARK AND PAUL KICK THE DOOR.JEFF IS FIRST THROUGH.ROGER OPENS FIRE.HITS JEFF TWICE.
JEFF:OH, SHIT.
ALONZO:ONE GO THROUGH?
TIM:SIDDOWN, DUDE.
TIM:YOU SHOT HIM!
JEFF:YOU FUCKIN' SHOT ME!
TIM:CALL A RESCUE.
ALONZO:YOU'RE FINE.YOU'LL GET A MEDAL.
JEFF:CALL THE R.A.!
ALONZO:LET ME RUN THE SCENARIO AND I WILL.OKAY - MARK AND PAUL KICK THE DOOR.FIRST THROUGH IS JEFF.BANG.BANG.GETS HIT.WOUNDED.SECOND THROUGH IS OUR NEW GUY, HOYT.HE DROPS THE SUSPECT WITH SOME FINE SHOTGUN WORK.WHO SHOT ROGER?
MARK:THE NEW GUY.CAME IN SPRAYING.
ALONZO:PAUL?
PAUL:THE BOOT SHOT HIM.
ALONZO:WHAT'D YOU GUYS SEE?
TIM:HOYT BLASTED HIM.
JEFF:HOYT WENT FOR IT - NOW WILL YOU GET ME A FUCKING RESCUE AMBULANCE?
PAUL:ELEVEN FORTY-NINE.NINE-NINE- EIGHT.SHOTS FIRED.SHOTS FIRED.MAN DOWN.FIFTY-NINE FIFTY-ONE BAXTER STREET.
ALONZO:GOOD JOB, SON.CONGRATULATIONS.GONNA GET A MEDAL OF VALOR.
JAKE:.I DIDN'T SHOOT HIM.
ALONZO:ROOMFUL OF COPS SAYS YOU DID.
JAKE:FUCK YOU.I DON'T CARE.I DIDN'T SHOOT HIM.YOU DID.
ALONZO:SHIT GETS DEEPER.GET THE PICTURE?
JAKE:I GOT THE PICTURE.
JAKE:THAT'S THE SECOND TIME YOU'VE STUCK A GUN IN MY FACE.WON'T BE A THIRD.
PAUL:BE MY PLEASURE PUTTING A HYDRASHOCK IN YOUR MELON.
PAUL:BUT I'M GONNA BE COOL.OPEN YOUR HAND SLOWLY.DROP THE WEAPON.
JAKE:HEY, SORRY, MAN.RELAX, OKAY
JAKE:WANNA SHOOT ME, PAUL? GO AHEAD.BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE GONNA BE WIPING MY ASS IN THE NETHERWORLD.
TIM:ALONZO.THIS IS BAD.
PAUL:THIS DUDE'S A FUCKIN' FED.
ALONZO:HE'S NO FED.JUST A CHOIRBOY WITH HEART WHO GOT THE DROP ON YOU FOOLS.EVERYONE, LET'S TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND DEFUSE THIS - JAKE? YOU HEAR ME?
JAKE:YOU CAN'T JUST SPRING THIS SHIT ON ME.I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS.
ALONZO:I HEAR YOU.I KNOW YOU'RE ANGRY - PAUL, TIM, PLEASE PUT DOWN YOUR GUNS.
TIM:HELL NO.
PAUL:CHOIRBOY FIRST.
ALONZO:BOTH OF YOU:GUNS DOWN.NOW.
ALONZO:JAKE, USE YOUR EARS AND LISTEN.SOMETIMES WE TAKE SHIT ALL THE WAY.THAT'S THE NATURE OF THE GAME.WE DON'T DO THIS EVERY DAY.NO ONE WILL EVER AGAIN ASK YOU TO PULL A TRIGGER YOU DON'T WANT TO - MARK, WHERE'RE YOU TRANSFERRING TO?
MARK:WESTSIDE HOMICIDE.
ALONZO:WESTSIDE HOMICIDE - ONLY MADE DETECTIVE LAST TEST.JAKE, GIVE ME EIGHTEEN MONTHS AND I'LL GIVE YOU A CAREER.WE MAKE THE BIG ARRESTS.WE MAKE THE BIG SEIZURES.WHEN SOMEONE'S IN MY UNIT THEY'RE IN ALL THE WAY OR NOT AT ALL.I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS SHIT.
ALONZO:FIVE PROVEN, DECORATED OFFICERS SAY YOU WERE THE SHOOTER.INVESTIGATORS ARE GONNA PULL A TUBE OF YOUR BLOOD AND TEST FOR INTOXICANTS.REMEMBER ALL THE P.C.P.YOU SMOKED TODAY?
JAKE:YOU'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS ALL DAY.
ALONZO:I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS ALL WEEK.YOU START TALKING CRAZY SHIT, I WILL MAKE SURE THE RIGHT SAMPLE GOES TO THE LAB.STILL WANNA TALK YOUR BABYNUTS AROUND THE BLOCK? YOU WON'T MAKE IT TO THE CORNER.BUT IF YOU'RE COOL.YOU'RE A HERO.A VIRGIN SHOOTER ABOVE SUSPICION.
PAUL:ALONZO, THERE'S TWO SHOTS IN THAT STINGER.LET'S KILL YOUR BOY RIGHT NOW AND SAY ROGER DUMPED HIM COMING THROUGH THE DOOR.
ALONZO:NO.WE'RE NOT KILLING HIM.HE'S A GOOD GUY.MAN'S GOT THE MAGIC.JUST HAVING A LITTLE FREAKOUT IS ALL.WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.I SAY HE'S COOL.NO ONE'S GONNA HURT HIM.
ALONZO:HOYT, YOU GOTTA DECISION TO MAKE.IN THIRTY SECONDS, THIS PLACE WILL BE OVERRUN WITH PATROLMEN.GO OUTSIDE AND CLEAR YOUR HEAD.OR SHOOT ME NOW.
JAKE:HEY, PAUL.
PAUL:YOU'RE DEAD! I'M TAKIN' YOU OUT.I DON'T CARE.
ALONZO:KICK BACK, WYATT EARP.GOTTA RESPECT A MOTHERFUCKER WHO PUTS YOU ON QUEER STREET WITH ONE PUNCH.
ALONZO:KID'S GOT MORE BALLS THAN ALL YOU FAGGOTS COMBINED.
PARAMEDIC:PATIENT IS A WHITE MALE APPROXIMATELY FORTY YEARS OLD, SIX ONE, TWO HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS.EIGHT BUCKSHOT WOUNDS IN THE TORSO.FIRST WOUND:LEFT CHEST WALL, FOURTH INTERCOSTAL SPACE, ANTERIOR AXILLARY LINE.SECOND AND THIRD WOUNDS:EIGHTH INTERCOSTAL SPACE, MID-CLAVICULAR LINE.FOURTH AND FIFTH WOUNDS:RIGHT CHEST WALL.TENTH INTERCOSTAL SPACE.POSTERIOR AXILLARY LINE.
PARAMEDIC:SIXTH WOUND:LEFT LOWER QUADRANT, MID-CLAVICULAR LINE.SEVENTH WOUND:LEFT LOWER QUADRANT, ANTERIOR AXILLARY LINE.EIGHTH WOUND IS AN EXIT WOUND.LEFT LOWER QUADRANT POSTERIOR AXILLARY LINE.
PARAMEDIC:THERE IS A SUCKING WOUND AT THE FIRST WOUNDSITE.SUPERCLAVICULAR IN-DRAWING.ABDOMEN IS RIGID.STAND BY FOR SKIN SIGNS.PATIENT'S SKIN IS PALE AND COOL AND DIAPHORETIC.HERE'S THE VITALS:B.P.SIXTY AND PALPITATED.RESPIRATION THIRTY- ONE, DECREASED ON THE LEFT WITH HYPER-RESONANCE.
ALONZO:YOU'RE GONNA BE SCRUBBING THE BATHTUB, HOMIE.LATER.
ALONZO:WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE OFF?
JAKE:THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN.
ALONZO:ROGER WAS D.O.A.AT GOOD SAMARITAN.LET'S GET THE PAPER ROLLING NOW.
ALONZO:JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE IN THE LINE OF DUTY.ANYONE'D BE PROUD TO HAVE THAT IN THEIR JACKET.
JAKE:NOT THIS WAY.SAY I DON'T PLAY ALONG?
ALONZO:AT THIS POINT IT BEHOOVES YOU NOT TO FUCK AROUND.
JAKE:IT CAN'T BE LIKE THIS.
ALONZO:IT IS LIKE THIS.
ALONZO:LOOK, THE MONEY I GAVE YOU, KEEP IT.
JAKE:TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT IT.
ALONZO:JUST TAKE IT.THROW IT IN THE OCEAN.BARBECUE IT.JUST TAKE IT.IT WOULD MAKE THE BOYS FEEL BETTER.
JAKE:FUCK THEIR FEELINGS.
ALONZO:JAKE, THEY'RE WORRIED.
JAKE:ABOUT WHAT?
ALONZO:ABOUT YOU.YOU DIDN'T MAKE ANYONE FEEL YOU WERE ON THE TEAM BACK THERE.
JAKE:FUCK THE TEAM.YOU GUYS ARE INSANE.I'LL GO BACK TO VALLEY AND CUT PARKING TICKETS.AND TELL PAUL:HE COMES NEAR ME AGAIN, I'LL SHOOT HIM.
ALONZO:I'M REALLY SORRY I EXPOSED YOU TO THAT TODAY.IT WAS UGLY BUT IT WAS NECESSARY.ROGER SOLD DOPE TO KIDS.WORLD'S A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE HE'S GONE.NEVER SEEN NO ONE DIE BEFORE? YOU'RE TOO DAMN SOFT.BET YOU NEVER MISSED A MEAL IN YOUR LIFE.
JAKE:BECAUSE THE FOLKS HAD TO DO THEIR SHIT.
JAKE:THAT'S RIGHT.I'M IN THE COP BUSINESS TO LOCK UP THE CRIMINALS AND POISONERS.NOT BE ONE.
ALONZO:WHAT HAPPENED TODAY WAS
JAKE:WAS MURDER AND ARMED ROBBERY.WAIT.WE HAD BADGES, IT'S DIFFERENT.
ALONZO:DAMMIT, BOY! WHY CAN'T YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE?
JAKE:THAT MAN WAS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU KILLED HIM LIKE A FLY.
ALONZO:ALL THE SHIT YOU'RE FEELING NOW, IT'S GOING TO GO AWAY.I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.
JAKE:I'M NOT SCARED.
ALONZO:YOU'RE TERRIFIED.I KNOW YOU ARE.BECAUSE I WENT THROUGH THE SAME SHIT.EVERYONE HAS.JAKE, THERE'S GOTTA BE DIRT ON YOU IF ANYONE'S GONNA TRUST YOU.AFTER THIS IS BEHIND YOU, A WHOLE NEW WORLD WILL OPEN UP.I WALK A HIGHER PATH.I CAN GIVE YOU THE KEYS TO ALL DOORS.
JAKE:WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ALONZO:I'M NOT THE ASSKICKER I ONCE WAS, BUT YOU ARE.WANT TO RUN MY UNIT? MY GUYS ARE GOOD BUT NOT ONE OF THOSE CLOWNS IS A LEADER.YOU ARE.WANT MY JOB? YOU GOT IT.WANNA LOCK UP CRIMINALS? THIS IS THE BEST PLACE TO DO IT.DO YOUR TIME AND MAKE DETECTIVE.PLAY THE GAME, GROW WISE AND CHANGE THINGS FROM THE INSIDE.
ALONZO:LET'S GET TO THE HOSPITAL AND TALK TO STAN.HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO SAY TO THE D.A.'S GUYS.
JAKE:WHAT'S HERE?
ALONZO:INFORMANT OF MINE'S IN CHINO.PROMISED I'D HELP OUT HIS FAMILY.
ALONZO:SOMETIMES I BRING FOOD.BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I LIKE TO HELP OUT THE COMMUNITY WHENEVER I CAN.SHIT.HOYT, HELP ME WITH THIS.
PEEWEE:YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE AT, FOOL?
VETERANO:THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY, PUNK.IT'S BUSINESS.
VETERANO:'SUP, DOG.THOUGHT YOU WERE MISSING IN ACTION.
ALONZO:'SUP, MAN.YOU KNOW I'M NEVER LOST.
ALONZO:HI.GOT SOME STUFF FOR YOUR FAMILY.
SMILEY:KITCHEN'S THIS WAY.
SMILEY:PUT IT ON THE COUNTER.
ALONZO:CAN I USE THE HEAD?
SMILEY:GO FOR IT.
ALONZO:I'LL BE TWO SECONDS.WE'RE ALREADY LATE.
MORENO:THAT'S NICE.LEMME GET THAT.
SMILEY:YOU GET THE OSTERIZER.THIS IS MINE.
SMILEY:DREAMER! GOT YOUR BONY ASS IN HERE!
SMILEY:COUNT THAT SHIT IN THE BEDROOM.
DREAMER:THANKS, EH.I WAS DOING STUFF.LEARN TO COUNT, MATH WHIZ.
SMILEY:WAIT UP.
SMILEY:DON'T DROP IT.
SNIPER:YOU LOOKED AT 'EM.
MORENO:NO I DIDN'T.
SMILEY:DEAL AGAIN.
SNIPER:PLAY CARDS, COP?
JAKE:NOT REALLY.
MORENO:BEER?
JAKE:NO THANKS.
SNIPER:C'MON AND PLAY A HAND.
MORENO:DON'T BE RUDE, DUDE.ONE HAND.
SMILEY:DON'T SWEAT IT.WE AIN'T PLAYIN' FOR MONEY.
JAKE:WE GOTTA GO.
SMILEY:ALONZO'S PROBABLY TAKING A DUMP - GO AHEAD AND HAVE A SEAT.
JAKE:OKAY.ONE HAND.
MORENO:HOW LONG YOU BEEN A COP? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
JAKE:NINETEEN MONTHS.
MORENO:LIKE IT?
JAKE:I SHOULD'A BEEN A FIREMAN.
MORENO:MY COUSIN'S A FIREMAN.AND HIS KID'S A POLICE EXPLORER.GONNA BE OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE.
SNIPER:I'D LOVE TO BE A JURA.DRIVE AROUND ALL DAY GETTING FUCKED UP.TALKIN' TO THE LADIES.ANY HEADS THAT TALK SHIT, FUCK 'EM UP.
SMILEY:LISTEN TO YOUR BULLSHIT.YOU COULDN'T HACK TAKIN' ORDERS - THEY ORDER YOU AROUND ALL THE TIME.YOU GOTTA DO EVERYTHING THEY SAY, HUH?
JAKE:YEAH, IT'S PRETTY STRICT.ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE JUST STARTING OUT.
SMILEY:SOUNDS LIKE THE SERVICE.YOU SERVE?
JAKE:NO.NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY.BUT HALF THE GUYS I WORK WITH WERE.
SMILEY:I WAS IN THE ARMY.RANGER ALERT BATTALION.CARRIED A MACHINE GUN.
SNIPER:KICK BACK, RAMBO - WADDAYA GOT, DOG?
JAKE:HUH?
SNIPER:YOUR HAND, HOMES.
JAKE:THREE OF A KIND.
SMILEY:MAN.DIDN'T GET SQUAT.
SNIPER:TWO PAIR.
SMILEY:WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE COP WON.
SNIPER:I GOT TWO PAIR.
SMILEY:THREE OF A KIND BEATS TWO PAIR, DUMBASS.
MORENO:SEE WHY WE DON'T PLAY FOR MONEY?
SMILEY:YOUR DEAL.
JAKE:WE HAVE TO GO.I'M GONNA GET ALONZO.
SMILEY:KICK BACK AND PARTY.
SMILEY:AIN'T NOBODY OUT THERE FOR YOU.
MORENO:ALONZO PLAYED YOU LIKE A BOOGER.
SMILEY:DEAL.
SMILEY:IT'S P.C.P.WANNA HIT?
JAKE:NO THANKS.I ALREADY SMOKED OUT TODAY.
SNIPER:SHIT.I'LL STEP ON THAT P-DOG.
MORENO:LEMME SEE YOUR COHETE.
SNIPER:YOUR GUN, DUDE.LET HIM SEE YOUR GUN.UNDER YOUR SHIRT.
MORENO:THAT'S DOWN.WHAT IS IT? A THREE EIGHTY?
JAKE:THREE EIGHTY STAINLESS.DOUBLE ACTION.NINE ROUND MAG.
MORENO:LEMME SEE IT.AIN'T GONNA BLAST NO ONE.
MORENO:FUCK A VAT UP WITH THIS.
SNIPER:GIMME TWO CARDS.
DREAMER:THERE'S EXTRA.
SMILEY:I KNOW.THAT'S OURS.SET IT ASIDE.SURE ABOUT THE COUNT?
DREAMER:YOU COUNT IT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
SMILEY:OKAY.THANKS - GIMME THREE.
SMILEY:ALONZO PULLED OFF A MIRACLE, HUH? TIMES ARE TIGHT.THAT'S A LOTTA CASH.
SNIPER:WHO'D HE JACK?
JAKE:I DUNNO.
SMILEY:HE JACKED ROGER.BLASTED THE DUDE.
MORENO:DAMNNNN.ALONZO'S SCANDALOUS.
SNIPER:THAT'S SOME COLD SHIT.VATO'LL JACK ANYONE.
MORENO:ALONZO'S A LOW-DOWN DIRTY RUTHLESS VATO.
SMILEY:THAT'S WHY I NEVER SHAKE HIS HAND.HE DON'T RESPECT SHIT.KNOW WHAT ALL THE MONEY'S FOR?
JAKE:NO.
SMILEY:ALONZO'S A HOTHEAD.LAST WEEK IN VEGAS SOME DUDE WAS TALKING SHIT SO ALONZO BEAT HIS ASS AND KILLED HIM.TURNS OUT THE DUDE WAS SOMEBODY.HE RAN A BIG GAME AND OWED BIG MONEY.NOW ALONZO OWES THE MONEY.
JAKE:HOW DO YOU KNOW?
SMILEY:I'M THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE.I HEAR SHIT.THEY GAVE ALONZO TILL TODAY TO PAY UP.HIS NAME'S ALREADY ON A LIST.THERE'S A CREW UP FROM SINALOA TO DO THE MISSION.THEY'RE GONNA BLAST HIM.NO ONE THOUGHT HE COULD GET CASH LIKE THAT.
SNIPER:DUDE MADE A PACT WITH THE DEVIL OR SOME SHIT 'CAUSE ONLY A MIRACLE COULD'A SAVED HIS ASS.
JAKE:IT'S NO MIRACLE.
SNIPER:ALONZO TAKES CARE OF BUSINESS.
SMILEY:COPS GET CRAFTY IN A CLINCH.
MORENO:AND GET AWAY WITH IT - BEEN TO JAIL, COP?
SNIPER:THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION.IF HE'S BEEN TO JAIL, HE WOULDN'T BE COP.
JAKE:YOU CAN BE A COP AS LONG AS YOU'VE NEVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY.
MORENO:THERE GOES MY CHANCE.I GOT LIKE EIGHTY STRIKES.
SNIPER:FUCK COPS.COPS TURNED OUT MY LITTLE BROTHER.
SNIPER:YOU HEAR ME?
JAKE:WHAT? HE GOT ARRESTED?
SNIPER:NO.TWO FUCKIN' JURAS TURNED HIM OUT.THEY TOOK HIS MANHOOD.THEY BOOTY-TAGGED HIM IN THE BACK OF A BLACK AND WHITE.
JAKE:THAT CAN'T BE TRUE.
SNIPER:DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LYIN', MOTHERFUCKER?
JAKE:I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE LYING.I JUST HAVEN'T EVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
SMILEY:'CAUSE YOU'RE A ROOKIE.PUT IN A FEW YEARS' WORK AND YOU'LL KNOW WHAT'S UP.
MORENO:MAKES ME WANNA TURN OUT A COP - EVER HAD YOUR SHIT PUSHED IN?
JAKE:WHAT?
MORENO:I HAD MY SHIT PUSHED IN.
SNIPER:ME TOO.MY SHIT'S BEEN PUSHED IN.SMILEY?
SMILEY:I'M ALWAYS GETTIN' LOVE FROM THE HOMIES.
SMILEY:JUMPY MOTHERFUCKER.
SNIPER:HE'S A FUCKIN' BUSTER.
MORENO:YOU NEVER BEEN BOOTY-BUSTED?
SMILEY:HEY, COP.WIN THIS HAND AND WE WON'T BUST YOU OUT.
MORENO:UNLESS YOU WANT US TO.
SNIPER:I GOT TWO PAIR AGAIN.
MORENO:DIDN'T GET SHIT.
SMILEY:GOTTA STRAIGHT.
SNIPER:UH-OH.THIS JURA'S GONNA BE WEARIN' A DRESS.
JAKE:FULL HOUSE.
SMILEY:LUCKY FUCKER.
SNIPER:YOU WON.DEAL AGAIN.
MORENO:DEAL, HOMIE.
SNIPER:THERE'S A NEW CHICK IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
SMILEY:OH YEAH? WHAT'S HER NAME?
MORENO:VANESSA.VANESSA SALGUERO.
SMILEY:I SEEN HER AROUND.THINK SHE'S A GOOD GIRL OR A BAD GIRL?
SNIPER:SHE'S A GOOD GIRL.INNOCENT.EASY TO PLAY.
MORENO:HOW'S SHE LIKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
SNIPER:DUNNO.HOW YOU LIKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
SMILEY:GIMME THREE.
MORENO:FUCK THIS BUSTER.LET'S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.
SMILEY:HURRY UP, COP.GIMME THREE.
JAKE:.UNCLE.
DREAMER:DANG! YOU GUYS FUCKED HIM UP.
MORENO:GET OUTTA HERE.TAKE THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR.OR YOU'RE NEXT.
SMILEY:YOU FUCKED UP, FOOL.YOU KNOW THAT.
SMILEY:LOOK.I'M A COP.GONNA START TAXING.
SMILEY:YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.FOR BEING A COP.FOR BEING A BUSTER.FOR DOGGING ME IN THE MOUTH IN MY OWN PAD.AND FOR BLEEDING ON MY CLEAN KITCHEN FLOOR.YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE KICKED.AND THE RIGHT TO BE SLAPPED.
SMILEY:THERE.GET HIM IN THE BATHTUB.
SMILEY:GOTTA FUCK THIS VATO UP.
SNIPER:FUCKIN' DO IT, EH.
SMILEY:IT'S GONNA BE LOUD.CLOSE THE DOOR.
MORENO:WAIT.LEMME GET HIS MONEY FIRST.
MORENO:.DANG.
MORENO:HERE, ESE.YOU ARE GONNA TRIP THE FUCK OUT.
SMILEY:PINCHI.GAME.PLAYING.COP.WHERE'.YOU.GET.THIS?
JAKE:GET WHAT? GET WHAT? OH, GOD.
SMILEY:THIS, STUPID.ALONZO GIVE IT TO YOU?
JAKE:NO! I FOUND IT!
SMILEY:WHERE?
JAKE:MACARTHUR PARK!
SMILEY:WHAT? BULLSHIT!
MORENO:WAIT UP.I CAN'T SEE.
SMILEY:IF YOU'RE RELIGIOUS, GO AHEAD AND GET IN THAT LAST PRAYER.
JAKE:OMIGOD.SHE WAS GOING TO BE RAPED.I WAS DRIVING WITH ALONZO.THESE TWO CRACKHEADS WERE GONNA RAPE HER.I SAW THEM HIT HER.I STOPPED THEM.THEY WERE GONNA RAPE HER.I SWEAR TO GOD.I STOPPED IT.I GOTTA KID
SMILEY:SHUT UP, FAGGOT!
SNIPER:FUCK THE FOOL.BLAST HIM.
JAKE:.I GOTTA LITTLE GIRL.
SMILEY:WE'RE GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BULLSHIT.SHE'S MY COUSIN.SHE'S A CIVILIAN.AIN'T RIGHT INVOLVING HER.
SCHOOLGIRL:HELLO?
SMILEY:WASSUP, LETTY.WHATC'CHA DON'?
LETTY:HEY, SMILEY! JUST HERE DOING HOMEWORK.WANNA TALK TO TONY?
SMILEY:NO.I WANNA TALK TO YOU.GO TO SCHOOL TODAY?
LETTY:YEP.
SMILEY:ALL DAY? YOU DIDN'T DITCH?
LETTY:I WENT TO EVERY CLASS.WHY?
SMILEY:I HEARD DIFFERENT.
LETTY:NUH-UH.
SMILEY:COPS TALK TO YOU TODAY?
LETTY:NO.
SMILEY:TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.DON'T BULLSHIT ME.
LETTY:I GOT JUMPED BY TWO NIGGERS.
SMILEY:YOU GOT JUMPED?
LETTY:WELL.I THINK THEY WANTED TO RAPE ME.I KINDA GOT HIT.I MEAN HE JUST SLAPPED ME.BUT NOTHING HAPPENED, OKAY? 'CAUSE THIS COP CAME AND KICKED THEIR BUTTS.THEY ALMOST KILLED HIM BUT HE KICKED THEIR ASSES.
SMILEY:WHAT DID THIS COP LOOK LIKE?
LETTY:HE WAS A WHITE BOY.BROWN HAIR.TALL.HE LOOKED YOUNG.
SMILEY:SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
LETTY:I'M FINE.NOTHING HAPPENED.
SMILEY:THAT DON'T SOUND LIKE NOTHING.WANNA GO TO THE DOCTOR?
LETTY:NO.I SAID I'M FINE.
SMILEY:LETTY.
LETTY:YEAH?
SMILEY:WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN MACARTHUR PARK?
LETTY:I WAS JUST KICKING BACK AT MY FRIEND'S PAD.THERE WEREN'T NO GUYS OR NOTHING.I SWEAR TO GOD.
SMILEY:LETTY.
LETTY:YEAH?
SMILEY:YOU GO THERE AGAIN, I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS.I GOT YOUR BUS PASS AND I.D.GONNA SEND 'EM OVER.AND WE'RE GONNA TALK MORE ABOUT THIS.
MORENO:AIN'T YOU GONNA BLAST HIM?
SMILEY:THE VATO WAS TELLIN' THE TRUTH.LIFE'S A FUCKIN' TRIP, HUH?
SNIPER:THIS IS SOME TRIPPY-ASS SHIT.
SMILEY:GET THIS TO LETTY.
SMILEY:THANKS FOR GETTING MY COUSIN'S BACK.
SMILEY:PUT THAT ON YOUR HEAD.YOU'RE GONNA STAIN THE CARPET.WHERE THE FUCKERS AT? WHERE'D YOU BOOK THEM?
JAKE:I DIDN'T.
SMILEY:WHY THE FUCK NOT?
JAKE:ALONZO LET THEM GO.
JAKE:THANKS.
SMILEY:YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WAS JUST BUSINESS.
JAKE:I KNOW.
DREAMER:WANT SOME COFFEE?
JAKE:NO, THANK YOU.
SMILEY:ALONZO GAVE ME THAT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.TO BURN YOU UP ON THE FREEWAY BY YOUR HOUSE.I DON'T WANT HIS BLOOD MONEY.SO.I DON'T KNOW.I JUST DON'T WANT IT.
JAKE:I'LL TAKE IT.
SMILEY:I KNOW ALONZO PAID OFF HIS DEBT, BUT I'M GONNA WAIT TILL TOMORROW TO MAKE THE CALL.HIS MAGIC RAN OUT.
SMILEY:SURE YOU DON'T WANNA RIDE?
JAKE:I'M SURE.
SMILEY:YOU WENT SEGA TODAY, ROOKIE.YOU'RE AT THAT NEXT LEVEL.JUST PLAY THEIR GAMES AND DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO AND YOU'LL BE COOL.THEY'LL MAKE YOU CHIEF.HEY, COP!
SMILEY:REMEMBER ME.
JAKE:I WILL.
JAKE:I HAVE BUSINESS WITH ALONZO.
ALONZO:'BOUT TIME YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND AND JOINED IN.
JAKE:SMILEY DIDN'T WANT THE JOB.
JAKE:KNOW WHAT I LEARNED TODAY? IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY.
JAKE:IT'S ABOUT RESPECT.
ALONZO:.OH, GOD.
LISA:GUESS I'M SECOND IN LINE TONIGHT.
NEWSCOPTER REPORTER:HAS NOT BEEN IDENTIFIED BY NAME BUT A POLICE SPOKESMAN SAID THE THIRTEEN-YEAR L.A.P.D.VETERAN WAS THE VICTIM OF A FAILED CARJACKING ATTEMPT NEAR LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.GUNFIRE WAS EXCHANGED WITH THE SUSPECTS, NOW BEING SOUGHT IN AN EXTENSIVE COUNTYWIDE MANHUNT, DESCRIBED AS FOUR HISPANIC MALES IN THEIR MID- TWENTIES, WITH SHAVED HEADS, WEARING WHITE T-SHIRTS AND DRIVING A DARK LATE MODEL SEDAN
JAKE:WE SERVED A WARRANT.I SHOT A MAN.
